Oh wait, never mind. Here's something to keep me entertained for a few minutes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphireninja
yeah hidan have an accident baby i got the story already it was a warm summer day at the hidden mist village. Hidan was only 21 years old and enjoying what the village offer. Food and drinks to go around he was pleased. But then something caught his attention. It wasn't a something but a someone. She was a local . Hidan like any guy can't deny the urge. He yearn for her. She 5'8 with blue eye and hair and most of all she 18 year old. He can keep his eye off of her especially with a body like her she should be mine said hidan. Setsuna was the young lady name, she some what shy when it come to romance. Though she 18 year old she still a child in mind. Hidan made his move though he wasn't the first guy who try to gain her attention she felt he was different from other guys.
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Okay, not only is this segment littered with spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and grammatical errors, but the concept itself is terribly drab, highly cliche, and reads off as a poor excuse to write about a random OC pregnant with Hidan's child. And it is very Mary Sue-ish to have an immediate 'attraction at first sight' device for an OC. Just saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphireninja
Hidan whisper the idea of romance to her ear was enought to make her red as strawberry jello.
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....no.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphireninja
As time pass by he took her out for a drink. Setsuna unaware the cup she was holding was sake take a drink.
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Something tells me she would be able to smell and / or at least taste the difference. If she's at a
bar and a handsome man comes up to buy her a
drink, wouldn't the very basic confounds of rationality indicate it was an alcoholic beverage?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphireninja
This made her tipsy and hidan as a guy with urdges take advantage of this situation. That night was a blur for her and as for hidan, it as the greatest feeling he have ever felt. Sadly he have to leave for the akatsuki stuff. Leaving the young but now tainted girl behind he will not forget. Later on she find herself carrying the stranger child... to be continue
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Assuming Hidan, as a strongly religious individual,
doesn't deem someone who would give herself away so easily as just another worthless whore and
is the kind of man to fully take advantage of the situation, why wouldn't he just kill her after he was finished with her to prevent the risk of a child? Because...doesn't the creation of a child go directly against the 'destroy fucking everything' clause Jashinism stands for? I mean, the story has potential (I guess), but I suggest to iron out the kinks first and take further measures to make sure the girl isn't a Mary Sue.