Lost Mercenary
03-22-2006, 04:00 PM
Grandia 2: The Ultimate Parody
By Daniel Williams/Lost Mercenary
After I started a new game of Grandia 2 yesterday i got hit with massive inspiration to make a parody of it! I hope you all love and I'll keep updating whenever I can.
Note: Metal Gear Solid refferences relate to the voice actors. In case you're wondering.
EDIT: Oh I nearly forgot. Has a lot of naughty language and other subjects not intended for those of a vulnerable age. lol. Most of you won't care I know but I still have to warn you. lol.
Have Fun :nuts
PART 1
-----------------------------------
*Enter Granas and Valmar*
Granas: Ok Valmar! I am so gonna kick your ass!
Valmar: Bring it on, you gigantic white bed sheet!
Granas: At least I don’t look like something out of my toilet after a good days strain!
Humanity: Why the fuck do we worship these losers again?
*Granas and Valmar duke it out in a deadly game of Chess*
Granas: Checkmate butt munch!
Valmar: FUCK!!! *throws chess board off the table, resulting in some extremely large Chess pieces smashing into the Planet and create some damned big cliffs*
Granas: I HOPE TO HELL YOU HAVE INSURANCE TO COVER THAT!!!!
*Thousands of years later in the forest*
FMV Guy with no relevance: Thanks for the sex orgy ladies! The whole village appreciates it.
Elena: Lets go across that bridge fellow hookers.
Tessa: I think I have crabs.
*They go across a rocky bridge only for it to be swung by a bird who seems to have enough power in flight to create air currents*
*Meanwhile…*
Ryudo: Don’t let me down, Skye.
Goblin Boss: Alright fucktards. Go that way!
Goblin 1: Why?
Goblin Boss: Opening plot device. NOW OBEY!!!!
Goblin: Jeez… fine.
They leave*
Ryudo: Now all I have to do is surprise and slash this prick then I can… OH FUCK I’M SLIPPING!!!!
*Falls onto Goblin Boss’ head*
Goblin Boss: GAK!!!! *dies*
Ryudo: Oh yeah! I kick ass!!!
*Goblins return*
Goblin 1: HE’S SLAIN OUR BOSS!!!!
Ryudo: Damn right… the power of my fat ass can’t be matched anywhere in this land. For I am Ryudo, the greatest Geohound on the planet which currently has no name, I shall slay all who oppose me and…
*Goblins push Ryudo off cliff in the middle of his speech*
Goblin 3: God he was annoying.
*Ryudo flies away after catching hold of Skye*
Ryudo: Later Turdburglers! And the next time you play Metal Gear Solid and see a topless blonde man… REMEMBER ME!!!!
Goblin 2: He said what now?
*Ryudo and Skye continue to fly*
Skye: Liquid! I can’t take this anymore!
Ryudo: Quit your bitching and fly Colonel!
Skye: Oh I am… but…
*Kicks Ryudo off*
Ryudo: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Skye: … you aint.
*Some time later during sunset*
Ryudo: I did your daughter didn’t I?
Old Man: SAY WHAT???
Ryudo: Eh… I mean… I did the job didn’t I?
Old Man: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I PAYED YOU TO POST MY LETTER, NOT TO SLAY A GOBLIN!!!
Ryudo: YOU HAVEN’T PAYED ME YET!!!
*Beats Old Man for money only to find a toothpick and sweet wrapper*
Ryudo: Tight bastard!
*He shags the daughter again then leaves*
Ryudo: *grinning* Man she was a nice piece of ass.
Skye: Dude… that was a guy.
Ryudo: Bullshit! Since when did guys wear revealing dresses?
Kuja: SINCE ME HONEYBUNCH!!!!
Ryudo: Man SHE IS HOT!!!!!
Skye: *sigh* The boy never learns.
*After hours of ass bashing Ryudo finally recovers and keeps walking on*
Skye: In all my travels I have seen some fucked up shit in my time, but that was taking the piss!
Ryudo: I don’t care what you say! I don’t care if she was flat chested or not.
*They see a note*
Skye: What’s it say?
Ryudo: It says “The Church of Lord Granas wants to hire you fanny bandits to be a bodyguard. You’ll get paid fuck all, will probably die a gruesome horrible death and get sent to the burning pits of hell. And we also promise that this will not result in you going on a global journey to save the world. So interested? Then get you ass moving! Sincerely the Church. P.S. You have Foxdie!” Wow. Sounds like fun!
Skye: Did you actually pay attention to what that letter said?
*They start walking*
Ryudo: Wow! No random encounters! Up yours Final Fantasy!
*Ryudo is struck with lightning in the groin*
Monster: Yo!
Ryudo: LETS BATTLE!!!
*screen goes funny*
Ryudo: AHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???
Skye: It’s called a Battle transition dumbass.
Ryudo: TENSEKIN SLASH!!!
Monster: GAK!!! AS LONG AS THERE IS EVIL I WILL ALWAYS EXIST!!!!! *dies*
Ryudo: BOOYA!!! *does victory pose by throwing sword into the ground which ends up stabbing his foot*
Ryudo: PAIN!!!! I’M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!!!!
Skye: Oh yes you will my boy. After every single battle. Shall I get you a wheelchair?
Ryudo: Nah I’m cool! Although I could use a bandage and possibly a hotdog.
*After several more monster battles and nearly fatal victory poses Ryudo and Skye arrive at Carbo Village with Ryudo being pulled in a wheelchair*
Ryudo: LOOK OVER THERE!!! VIRGINS!!!!
*Points to Elena, Tessa and other expendable girls in white dresses*
Tessa: If only the dumbass knew… Alright Elena. You stay here and wait for a bodyguard we hired. We’ll go on ahead unescorted into the spooky named forest and wait for you, even though we have no ways to defend ourselves whatsoever we feel this is the best course of action.
Elena: You do realise that is a really fucked up plan?
Tessa: Ah… the force is strong in this one.
*They bugger off and Elena goes to church. We cut back to Ryudo who’s reading Geohound Monthly*
*Enter Random Village Guy*
Random Village Guy: Elena’s hot. I want sex now!
Skye: You scare me more than Ryudo… *kills him* Shall we go to the Church?
Ryudo: Nah! Lets break into some peoples houses first.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Will Ryudo ever get out of that Wheelchair? Will he desecrate the church by pissing in the holy water? Will the virgin mystery be revealed and will we ever find out Meryl’s secret codec number?
STAY TUNED FOR MORE!!!!
By Daniel Williams/Lost Mercenary
After I started a new game of Grandia 2 yesterday i got hit with massive inspiration to make a parody of it! I hope you all love and I'll keep updating whenever I can.
Note: Metal Gear Solid refferences relate to the voice actors. In case you're wondering.
EDIT: Oh I nearly forgot. Has a lot of naughty language and other subjects not intended for those of a vulnerable age. lol. Most of you won't care I know but I still have to warn you. lol.
Have Fun :nuts
PART 1
-----------------------------------
*Enter Granas and Valmar*
Granas: Ok Valmar! I am so gonna kick your ass!
Valmar: Bring it on, you gigantic white bed sheet!
Granas: At least I don’t look like something out of my toilet after a good days strain!
Humanity: Why the fuck do we worship these losers again?
*Granas and Valmar duke it out in a deadly game of Chess*
Granas: Checkmate butt munch!
Valmar: FUCK!!! *throws chess board off the table, resulting in some extremely large Chess pieces smashing into the Planet and create some damned big cliffs*
Granas: I HOPE TO HELL YOU HAVE INSURANCE TO COVER THAT!!!!
*Thousands of years later in the forest*
FMV Guy with no relevance: Thanks for the sex orgy ladies! The whole village appreciates it.
Elena: Lets go across that bridge fellow hookers.
Tessa: I think I have crabs.
*They go across a rocky bridge only for it to be swung by a bird who seems to have enough power in flight to create air currents*
*Meanwhile…*
Ryudo: Don’t let me down, Skye.
Goblin Boss: Alright fucktards. Go that way!
Goblin 1: Why?
Goblin Boss: Opening plot device. NOW OBEY!!!!
Goblin: Jeez… fine.
They leave*
Ryudo: Now all I have to do is surprise and slash this prick then I can… OH FUCK I’M SLIPPING!!!!
*Falls onto Goblin Boss’ head*
Goblin Boss: GAK!!!! *dies*
Ryudo: Oh yeah! I kick ass!!!
*Goblins return*
Goblin 1: HE’S SLAIN OUR BOSS!!!!
Ryudo: Damn right… the power of my fat ass can’t be matched anywhere in this land. For I am Ryudo, the greatest Geohound on the planet which currently has no name, I shall slay all who oppose me and…
*Goblins push Ryudo off cliff in the middle of his speech*
Goblin 3: God he was annoying.
*Ryudo flies away after catching hold of Skye*
Ryudo: Later Turdburglers! And the next time you play Metal Gear Solid and see a topless blonde man… REMEMBER ME!!!!
Goblin 2: He said what now?
*Ryudo and Skye continue to fly*
Skye: Liquid! I can’t take this anymore!
Ryudo: Quit your bitching and fly Colonel!
Skye: Oh I am… but…
*Kicks Ryudo off*
Ryudo: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Skye: … you aint.
*Some time later during sunset*
Ryudo: I did your daughter didn’t I?
Old Man: SAY WHAT???
Ryudo: Eh… I mean… I did the job didn’t I?
Old Man: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I PAYED YOU TO POST MY LETTER, NOT TO SLAY A GOBLIN!!!
Ryudo: YOU HAVEN’T PAYED ME YET!!!
*Beats Old Man for money only to find a toothpick and sweet wrapper*
Ryudo: Tight bastard!
*He shags the daughter again then leaves*
Ryudo: *grinning* Man she was a nice piece of ass.
Skye: Dude… that was a guy.
Ryudo: Bullshit! Since when did guys wear revealing dresses?
Kuja: SINCE ME HONEYBUNCH!!!!
Ryudo: Man SHE IS HOT!!!!!
Skye: *sigh* The boy never learns.
*After hours of ass bashing Ryudo finally recovers and keeps walking on*
Skye: In all my travels I have seen some fucked up shit in my time, but that was taking the piss!
Ryudo: I don’t care what you say! I don’t care if she was flat chested or not.
*They see a note*
Skye: What’s it say?
Ryudo: It says “The Church of Lord Granas wants to hire you fanny bandits to be a bodyguard. You’ll get paid fuck all, will probably die a gruesome horrible death and get sent to the burning pits of hell. And we also promise that this will not result in you going on a global journey to save the world. So interested? Then get you ass moving! Sincerely the Church. P.S. You have Foxdie!” Wow. Sounds like fun!
Skye: Did you actually pay attention to what that letter said?
*They start walking*
Ryudo: Wow! No random encounters! Up yours Final Fantasy!
*Ryudo is struck with lightning in the groin*
Monster: Yo!
Ryudo: LETS BATTLE!!!
*screen goes funny*
Ryudo: AHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???
Skye: It’s called a Battle transition dumbass.
Ryudo: TENSEKIN SLASH!!!
Monster: GAK!!! AS LONG AS THERE IS EVIL I WILL ALWAYS EXIST!!!!! *dies*
Ryudo: BOOYA!!! *does victory pose by throwing sword into the ground which ends up stabbing his foot*
Ryudo: PAIN!!!! I’M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!!!!
Skye: Oh yes you will my boy. After every single battle. Shall I get you a wheelchair?
Ryudo: Nah I’m cool! Although I could use a bandage and possibly a hotdog.
*After several more monster battles and nearly fatal victory poses Ryudo and Skye arrive at Carbo Village with Ryudo being pulled in a wheelchair*
Ryudo: LOOK OVER THERE!!! VIRGINS!!!!
*Points to Elena, Tessa and other expendable girls in white dresses*
Tessa: If only the dumbass knew… Alright Elena. You stay here and wait for a bodyguard we hired. We’ll go on ahead unescorted into the spooky named forest and wait for you, even though we have no ways to defend ourselves whatsoever we feel this is the best course of action.
Elena: You do realise that is a really fucked up plan?
Tessa: Ah… the force is strong in this one.
*They bugger off and Elena goes to church. We cut back to Ryudo who’s reading Geohound Monthly*
*Enter Random Village Guy*
Random Village Guy: Elena’s hot. I want sex now!
Skye: You scare me more than Ryudo… *kills him* Shall we go to the Church?
Ryudo: Nah! Lets break into some peoples houses first.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Will Ryudo ever get out of that Wheelchair? Will he desecrate the church by pissing in the holy water? Will the virgin mystery be revealed and will we ever find out Meryl’s secret codec number?
STAY TUNED FOR MORE!!!!