NARUTO DOUJIN page 1

[PlushKittie]

My friend wrote a Naruto fanfic a while back, and as manga practice, I decided to start making it into a doujinshi. Here's page one. :3 Tell me what you think! Any critique would be greatly appreciated, since I'm very new to drawing comics. ^^;

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y52/plushkittie/pg1.jpg

EDIT: As Mary-Sue-ish as this first page looks, the story gets much better. :3

[Angel Slayer]

The text placement is confusing X_X!!! The panels switch from left to right-to right to left X_X.

You need to work on that, but everything else is smex!

[PlushKittie]

The text placement is confusing X_X!!! The panels switch from left to right-to right to left X_X.

You need to work on that, but everything else is smex!
Thanks, I didn't notice that. :3 I figured my speech bubbles were a little weird. ^^;

Thanks for the comment!

[Hef]

Great! :spaz Maybe you should add some screentones to the background, it would give it a nice look of depth. Especially in the first panel. I, for one, would've used a screentone to differentiate between the sky and the forest. And maybe some light screentone behind Kakashi as well, but that's just me. I'm a bit of a screentone whore. :sweat

Nevertheless, it's looking great, can't wait to see more of it! :knk I don't really like fics or doujins with original characters, but who cares, it's looking awesome. :spaz

[CABLE]

Wow, that extremely good. I like your Kakashi. I'm highly anticipating further work on this.

[StoneWalker]

we need more pages!! it looks really good n____n I love the panel with kaya in it XD

*agrees about the word-bubble placement* XD

[Coralfang]

Hawt stuff!!
uhh, not to be rude, but may i have a request form you pwease:cry{a pic of rock lee}

[PATMAN]

seriously, that looks professional.We need more pages.

[King of Sharingan]

more pages>:3

[keikun17]

For the first panel, you could have put the text into a rectangle.. I actually thought Sakura was speaking..
But yeah the art looks fantastic! I cant believe you only have 1 page.. MORE!

[Zhero]

More Pages

[Freija]

looks great and all, just one tiny thingy, isn't it some sorta law that only 4 man team .... so are they poking Kakashi out ?


anyway, love the art <3 *reps*

[Dommy]

That is great! :nuts

Can't wait for others! :spaz

[PlushKittie]

Thank you, everyone, for the comments! You guys have pointed out a lot of stuff that I never noticed. ^^; But that's exactly what I posted here for, to catch my mistakes before I make them again!

Thanks again. :3

Ah, one more thing. As I draw more pages, I will put them on a website! ^_^ (*hopes she can figure out exactly how... xD*)

Great! :spaz Maybe you should add some screentones to the background, it would give it a nice look of depth. Especially in the first panel. I, for one, would've used a screentone to differentiate between the sky and the forest. And maybe some light screentone behind Kakashi as well, but that's just me. I'm a bit of a screentone whore. :sweat

Nevertheless, it's looking great, can't wait to see more of it! :knk I don't really like fics or doujins with original characters, but who cares, it's looking awesome. :spaz
Yeah, the screentones gave me a lot of trouble, so they'll need further experimentation. xD I initially tried to put some in the places that you mentioned, but it ended up looking worse than better. xD I do love screentones, though...

If anyone has any good digital screentoning methods (Photoshop), please share! ^^

Hawt stuff!!
uhh, not to be rude, but may i have a request form you pwease:cry{a pic of rock lee}
XD *considers and hopes she has time*

looks great and all, just one tiny thingy, isn't it some sorta law that only 4 man team .... so are they poking Kakashi out ?


anyway, love the art <3 *reps*
That's somewhat explained in the fic, if you'd like to go read it. x3

Or you can just click here:
Because Kaya's parents left for a major mission, and her village is pretty much a mess, she's only staying temporarily.

[Haruka]

Why WHy Why WHy do we add a cupcake to the ninja scene? But the twists make it all better.
I love your work.

[Gator]

looks awesome @___@

I like ur kakashi!
I wont mention the wrong placement of the word-bubbles! XD

And more pages please...

[Therahedwig]

1. Work on your necks a bit, they seem to get thinner as they come closer to the body, which makes them very fragile-looking...(As in *snap*)

2. I dislike the use of tones, but then again I hate tones...

3. I don't care if the girl is there for only a little while, a ninja genin team has only 4 people including the instructor... And the people who run the administration are smart enough to fit her in somewhere else...

Yes, I'm a bit sinical, but that might be because a while ago, I read this stupid fic about a junchuuriki who had the 'wolf' demon inside her, and had this pet wolf who was supossed to be really smart, (but actually, an Inuzaku dog is waaay smarter) and could do healing magic without chakra!
Next to that, she was obviously aiming to be a sasuke!sue...

It's nicely done however...

[Kakashi-Sharingan1]

Its looks awesome! Post more! :spaz

[akakaminari]

now i'm curious plz post more and mean while i'll read he fan fic

[PlushKittie]

Why WHy Why WHy do we add a cupcake to the ninja scene? But the twists make it all better.
I love your work.
Cupcake? XD You mean Kaya? *laugh* Though I tried, she still looks to cute to be a ninja. ^^;
Thanks.
looks awesome @___@

I like ur kakashi!
I wont mention the wrong placement of the word-bubbles! XD

And more pages please...
Thank you.

1. Work on your necks a bit, they seem to get thinner as they come closer to the body, which makes them very fragile-looking...(As in *snap*)

2. I dislike the use of tones, but then again I hate tones...

3. I don't care if the girl is there for only a little while, a ninja genin team has only 4 people including the instructor... And the people who run the administration are smart enough to fit her in somewhere else...

Yes, I'm a bit sinical, but that might be because a while ago, I read this stupid fic about a junchuuriki who had the 'wolf' demon inside her, and had this pet wolf who was supossed to be really smart, (but actually, an Inuzaku dog is waaay smarter) and could do healing magic without chakra!
Next to that, she was obviously aiming to be a sasuke!sue...

It's nicely done however...
Thank you, I'll work on the neck. :3

I dislike over-powered Mary-Sue fanfictions as well, but fanfictions are allowed to deviate a little bit from the original story. Thus earning them the name "fan fiction." :3

Thank you for commenting!

[K']

Link wont work x_x