Would you dump a girl if she told you she had been raped before?

[holdemrules]

Is it wrong to dump a girlfriend after she told you she had been raped? I mean obviously it'd be sort of wrong to do it right after and to tell her that was the reason why you dumped her.

But what if you did it like 2-3 weeks later and then made up some crap about how you didn't feel like it would work out?

[UtahCrip]

if it affects her in the bed then yes.

[The Space Cowboy]

No.

The past is the past. Why should you let a rapist continue to have power over a victim's life?

[Neon]

All I would want to do is find the guy who did it and make him pay....
The girl didn't do anything wrong

[Inactive Roy]

^ exactly right, infact it might strngthen your relationship for her to tell you that...

It wouldn't be easy for her and would require a LOT of trust in you.

[Heihachi]

No there is no point in that, i'd comfort her even more then on in...

[Prince Leon]

No. Just no. How I see it, that'd just be a heartless thing to do.

Also, most likely it would take a massive amount of courage for her (or anyone) to reveal such emotionally traumatic information. It'd be my responsibility as a man to exercise acceptance and understanding and to comfort her to the best of my ability.

[Gooba]

"Should you punish someone for being a victim?"

I'll go with no.

[Sir Whirly]

Actually having been in that situation, and if it happened within the last year or so before you met her. Have fun, cause now you have one severly emotionally and psycologically fucked up chick. Believe me, it kept me up for nights.

[Knifemundo]

What the hell kinda question is that? You obviously don't care much for her. If you were thinking that then you should just dump her to save her the trouble! But if its someone else.... thats just not cool man, not cool. I've known some girls that had that happen. The rape thing... huge trauma.

[Ginnylin]

This question is ridiculous! i mean no offence to you holdemrules, but how can you even CONSIDER that!.. its so medieval to consider a girl 'unclean' because another man had 'used' her. But omg.. wtf!

Rapist should be punished severely (i always say with Castration) and the victims should be allowed as much of a normal life afterwards. I know a lot of ppl who have encountered sexual/physical assault and the post-trauma extends for over a decade (esp for ppl who experienced when they were young). It is an UNBELIEVABLE amount of courage for them to confind in you about those horrible experiences because telling one more person means you have to relive the experience again.

Rape victims need more than anyone else to be assured that they are loved and the the experience did not make them any less of a person/sexual partner/friend/family member/member of society in general. SO NO, YOU WOULDNT DUMP HER.

[izzy]

If you dump here because she was raped thats wrong, but if its a by product of rape then its sometimes okay.

For example, if she has aids and you want an intimate relationship, then yes. If she can't handle a relationship, then yeah.

[Hatsune Miku]

Just because she was raped doesnt mean that a guy can dump her. If anyone dumps his GF for that, he's a heartless baztard.

[Sir Whirly]

Just because she was raped doesnt mean that a guy can dump her. If anyone dumps his GF for that, he's a heartless baztard.

But heres a question you have to ask yourself and this will question whether or not it can be seen as a heartless bastard like situation. Are you prepared to willingly understand that for one she might have an issue trusting you b/c you are a man, are you willing to handle the emotional outburst and the withdrawing of her emotions when it comes to making love and you feel as if though you are raping her yourself and are willing to be codependent enough to be there continously to try to help and understand and to deal with these issues along with her. There is a lot more than just being a heartless bastard when it comes to this situation. Depending on the girl are you willing to sacrifice your own emontional needs. That my friend is the ultimate question.

[Id]

I well what Gooba says pritty much sums things up. But if you dont like her, if things arent sour, If are intristed in someoneve else or vise versa. Those are reasons to break up even if shes bien raped before.

She kept it honest so you should to.

[BlueCheese]

No way, she hasn't done anything wrong

[Shishou]

Depends.

Can you explain why her having been raped makes you not want to be with her? Does it affect anything?

[Heihachi]

Why in the world would you dump her??? It's bad enough she was rapped, but then you add the fact that you dont want to date her because of what happened. It wasan't her fault! It was forced...I just feel bad for people like that, and I want to comfort them even if we arent great friends....

[Jedi Mind Tricks]

I'd rape the person who raped the girl (with a baseball bat). At least until he starts shitting out of his mouth.

[road_rash]

hmmm.......

I'm usually called by friends to "take care" of idiots who do stupid stuff like break some girl's heart because something like that happened to her.

So, if I'm ever going out with someone, and they tell me that, I'd have to say no, and if anything, be more supportive for her because she's had such a bad past.


PS if anyone thinks of me as being some asshole for wanting to beat the crap out of people who do that, think of this: Some girl has jsut had such a horrible experience of being raped. She is basicalyl scarred for life because of it. She finds someone who she feels she can love and finally get emotionally attached to. when she gets all her courage to tell him about it, he dumps her for whatever reason (for people living around here, the girl would be a dirty slut, or they don't want "loose women." God I hate where I live), and she ends up just being in a river of tears, feeling she could never love again, can never be close to anyone again, and that her whole life she'll be unhappy because that guy decided to dump her. I don't view myself as being bad, I view myself as giving people what they deserve.

[Dark Schneider]

Dumping your GF because of rape is heartless. But if that past occurence is somehow effecting the relationship. Then it's best to break it off, until she feels comfortable being around a male again.


But anyone who uses misogynistic reasoning to dump their GF, deserves a free, and lengthy session of @$$ pawnage by a 7ft man-- preferably with STD's


Edited to Add: My last comment was not in anyway infering Shaq:blink

[Baka-san]

Hell no. --~

[Iruka-Senpai]

No way, if a girl gets raped and you're her signifigant other, you should stay with her and comfort her. You don't dump her and say," Eww, you've been raped. You're digusting. I don't want to be with some loose,tainted, woman. I want to have a woman all to myself."What the heck are you, some kind of fascist,Nazi, communist, retard!? Oh, and don't give me any of that "What if she has trouble trusting me and it affects the relationship," crap! You know what!? If you think that, you are selfish, you suck, and you deserve to die! You're just thinking of yourself rather than her and you think you can justify yourself by saying that! Do you have any idea what the girl must be going through!? No, you don't, because most of you guys are males who think about sex every twenty seconds and wish that some girl would just come out of the blue and force you to sleep with her! To women, a man doing that is the ultimate disrespect to their bodies and freedom!:mad

[Sabaku no Ira]

What the heck are you, some kind of fascist,Nazi, communist, retard!?

Hum... you know that the communists and the fascists are on the opposite scale of politics, right? :amuse

Not that I'll have a girlfriend anyway, but if that happens than I'll comfort her, telling her that I just simply don't care, for it is not her fault and it was brave of her to tell me that. Then I'll find that bastard to deliver my special "treatment"... (which consists of castration, a series of disintegration, skin-flaying, and nailing the severed head onto a fence. :evil)

Edit: Argh!!! The mercury treatment! How the hell did I forget the mercury treatment??

[Tsukiyomi]

Is it wrong to dump a girlfriend after she told you she had been raped? I mean obviously it'd be sort of wrong to do it right after and to tell her that was the reason why you dumped her.

But what if you did it like 2-3 weeks later and then made up some crap about how you didn't feel like it would work out?

What kind of fucked up question is that? Of course I wouldn't dump her, that poor girls been through a horrendous ordeal and the last thing she needs is for you to dump her for something she had no control over.

If you care even the slightest about this girl you should do everything in your power to comfort her, to ease her pain and help her come to terms with everything that happened.

If you dumped her for that reason alone you're a fucking terrible person.

[Miss CCV]

IMO, if you dump her because of that, you'll sink as low as the rapist that bestowed that torment on her.

You don't deserve her if you plan to dump her because she got raped; she actually deserves better.

[Iruka-Senpai]

Hum... you know that the communists and the fascists are on the opposite scale of politics, right? :amuse

Not that I'll have a girlfriend anyway, but if that happens than I'll comfort her, telling her that I just simply don't care, for it is not her fault and it was brave of her to tell me that. Then I'll find that bastard to deliver my special "treatment"... (which consists of castration, a series of disintegration, skin-flaying, and nailing the severed head onto a fence. :evil)


Well, I guess we learn something new everyday don't we?:amuse What? You wanted me to get pissed off? I don't get angry too much when people correct me except when they get all smart, sarcastic, and huffy about it.:P

EDIT:What I meant by fascist was a dictatorial idiot. Hence, the person was no better than the man who raped her. I was ranting, not giving a political science lesson.:amuse

[Sabaku no Ira]

Why do I want to get you pissed off for?

[justafase]

Would you dump a girl just cause she had sex with someone before you? Sure, if you're a superficial fuckstick.

[Kyuubi Naruto]

What kind of fucked up question is that? Of course I wouldn't dump her, that poor girls been through a horrendous ordeal and the last thing she needs is for you to dump her for something she had no control over.

If you care even the slightest about this girl you should do everything in your power to comfort her, to ease her pain and help her come to terms with everything that happened.

If you dumped her for that reason alone you're a fucking terrible person.

Exactly. This is the correct answer for this sort of answer.

[kapsi]

of course, fucking whore :mad

[Atreyu]

ffs
thats not her fault, its like blaming the rabbit for beeing shot by the hunter!
or you just think she's less human then you becouse she got RAPED ..omg
your just a fuckedup person who thinks he's beter then her!

i sry to say but ... i pitty you!

[lekki]

Yes, if you have to think about it, you should dump her.

It means that it's now going to be in the back of your mind from now on. It also will raise alot of questions about the girl and her morals.

Rape is almost never cut and dry and sometimes, the other party doesn't even know that they're doing what is considered rape.
(If she says no even once and you proceed, it's rape by the way:), That's my rule anyway)

From a morality standpoint, punishing a girl for something that was out of her control is not the right way to go.

But if you were teethering on the brink of dumping her prior to this info, it wouldn't help matters now will it? Pretend to be as chivalrous as you want but from my experience, it doesn't help.

To summarize:
Should you dump a girl if she tells you she's been raped in the past? NO

But should the news make you feel sorry for her and make you want to be her avenging angel? ALSO NO!

Will the news make you feel happier or strengthen your relationship? NOPE

But will she be happy if you stuck around even after hearing such a thing? YES!!:)

Don't be a jerk and bail just because she's been raped in the past but at the same time, if you were going to leave anyway, don't do her any favors by staying just because she's been raped.

[less]

Is it wrong to dump a girlfriend after she told you she had been raped? I mean obviously it'd be sort of wrong to do it right after and to tell her that was the reason why you dumped her.

But what if you did it like 2-3 weeks later and then made up some crap about how you didn't feel like it would work out?

Well, duh. Everyone knows that what a rape victim needs to hear is that she's damaged, unclean goods. I'd also tell her parents so they could disown her, her school so they could kick her out and of course her priest so this abomination wouldn't be allowed in the house of God.

[Sabaku no Ira]

But should the news make you feel sorry for her and make you want to be her avenging angel? ALSO NO!

:evil Oh, it isn't anything about me being "avenging angel". It's just that "you rape my girl, you bastard" is more than enough as an excuse to... satisfy my desire to destroy life. :)

[Asmodai]

You mentioned dumping?
why so, i think the girls who had such a experience need even more loving and kindness in their lives, but it's clear you think differently.

[Vicious ♥]

if it affects her in the bed then yes.


omg you are so heartless:blink It isn't her fault that she got raped right? :S

[InEviTabLe.SiN]

If you are the girl's guy, you should comfort her. It is NOT her fault she got raped. Personally, I'd go find the sunuvavirgin who did that to her and beat the shits outta him before cutting his puny dick off. That's what I'd do to anyone who lands a finger on my secret crush (LoL, I am planning to ask her out)

[Vicious ♥]

ffs
thats not her fault, its like blaming the rabbit for beeing shot by the hunter!
or you just think she's less human then you becouse she got RAPED ..omg
your just a fuckedup person who thinks he's beter then her!

i sry to say but ... i pitty you!


totally agreed :amuse

[Nihonjin]

Wtf kind of idiotic question is this...no seriously.
It doesn't make any sence, the girl gets raped - Wich means she's been "f*cked" against her own will... *note, key part of the sentence* AGAINST HER OWN WILL..
Thats just like saying "Omfg you got beat up by a gang of criminals for no reason, I don't like you anymore".

Seriously, anyone who's even having second thoughts about this is sick in the brain and should be without a woman for the rest of his life, because apparently if you say you'd leave your girl friend for being raped, you don't know how to treat a lady.

[Hunter]

Well there really is no need breaking up with her unless she decides to cheat on you because you are not doing a good enough job comforting her...

[Negative-Ion]

Nope, you should support her instead of leaving her. Besides, rape is another form of sex(not that i agree with it) but most of the girls already have had sex with other people when you get in a realitonship with them, and thats not a reason to leave them.

[TOZZ-kun]

Wtf kind of idiotic question is this...no seriously.
It doesn't make any sence, the girl gets raped - Wich means she's been "f*cked" against her own will... *note, key part of the sentence* AGAINST HER OWN WILL..
Thats just like saying "Omfg you got beat up by a gang of criminals for no reason, I don't like you anymore".

Seriously, anyone who's even having second thoughts about this is sick in the brain and should be without a woman for the rest of his life, because apparently if you say you'd leave your girl friend for being raped, you don't know how to treat a lady.

weel what can i say more STUPIDE QUESTION!!

[metalanime]

just make sure she is clean and can handle the relationship.

[CrazyMoronX]

I'd say it depends on how long and how serious the relationship is. If it's seriousness enough, and you love her, you should be able to stick by her no matter what. But if it's something that you're just starting and feeling eachother out, why should you have to deal with that kind of emotional baggage?

My advice, date her for a while (if option B is true) to see if things will be ok despite the fact. If it starts turning bad, it obviously isn't going to work out. If anything you'd be making it worse by providing a terrible relationship.

So if it's a fresh new try out date, and she for some crazy reason told you that, you have no obligation to try to stay with her. Console her all you want, but if the relationship isn't working, why make both of you suffer with a prolonged akward relationship that you are staying in simply because she was raped?

If it's a long term, of course you shouldn't let that end the relationship. Work it out, comfort her, and hopefully she won't cut your pecker off.

[Kunoichi no Kiri]

I hate humanity.
That I belong to the same race as someone who would seriously consider this question sickens me.

[holdemrules]

Actually having been in that situation, and if it happened within the last year or so before you met her. Have fun, cause now you have one severly emotionally and psycologically fucked up chick. Believe me, it kept me up for nights.

So you dumped her too huh?

Yes this actually did happen to me. And yes I did dump her for that reason (never said it was that though).

I don't feel great about it but there was too much emotional baggage that I didn't want to deal with.

I also dumped a girl who had an abortion before. Guess I'm not the greatest guy. Don't worry I'm not particularly proud of what I did but I didn't want to deal with the baggage.

[mow]

This thread makes me want to puke.

[kapsi]

So you dumped her too huh?

Yes this actually did happen to me. And yes I did dump her for that reason (never said it was that though).

I don't feel great about it but there was too much emotional baggage that I didn't want to deal with.

I also dumped a girl who had an abortion before. Guess I'm not the greatest guy. Don't worry I'm not particularly proud of what I did but I didn't want to deal with the baggage.
prepare for dozens of angry narutards hunting you down to cut your puny dick off

[holdemrules]

I don't see why people flame me. I mean liberals always preach "I'm more moral than you" but when the shit hits the fan...I'm willing to bet most of you woudl do the same.

I simply didn't want to deal with any emotional baggage or scars she might (and probably did - rape is traumatic) have suffered from being raped.

Why should I waste my time and efforts when I can just as easily build a relationship with a normal girl (which is hard enough as is)?

[mow]

I'll tell you why people flame you, becuase you are behaving like a prick. You are discarding a person simply due to an incident in their past, an incident that occured against their will. You simply think of this girl as if she was nothing but trash and that she is a useless entity.

She is a person, a person who got really hurt and needs to overcome that moment in her life, idiots like you dont help.

Frankly, I hope she doesnt get with you, because you are the waste of time, and she can do a whole lot better.

[mike_william]

If you have a fetish for rape-roleplay in the bedroom, you might as well dump her now.

Yeah, that was terrible, I know.

[Nihonjin]

I hate humanity.
That I belong to the same race as someone who would seriously consider this question sickens me.

It's sickening indeed.
If people can dump someone they like/love because she got raped (fucked up logic), who knows what else they're capable of (by using the same fucked up logic).

Its scary.

[Gooba]

I'll tell you why people flame you, becuase you are behaving like a prick. You are discarding a person simply due to an incident in their past, an incident that occured against their will. You are simply thinking of this girl as if shw was nothing but trash and thet she a useless entity.

She is a person, a person who got really hurt and needs to overcome that moment in her life, idiots like you dont help.

Frankly, I hope she doesnt get with you, because you are the waste of time, and she can do a whole lot better.http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y197/Goobidy/glompmoe.gif Moe for the win, as he always is. :love

[Tsukiyomi]

I don't see why people flame me. I mean liberals always preach "I'm more moral than you" but when the shit hits the fan...I'm willing to bet most of you woudl do the same.

I simply didn't want to deal with any emotional baggage or scars she might (and probably did - rape is traumatic) have suffered from being raped.

Why should I waste my time and efforts when I can just as easily build a relationship with a normal girl (which is hard enough as is)?

If all you saw her as was emotional baggage then you obviously didn't give a shit about her in the first place.

How would you like it if the roles were reversed, something happened to you that was totally out of your control and people toss you aside because they don't want to deal with that part of you?

[Raspeh]

If being in a relationship makes you unhappy, and you are not willing to work things through or accept whatever is going on, then you should break up. Even if the reason is something bizarre like your partner is a victim of rape, it isn't fair to lead someone on in an unhealthy relationship.

[holdemrules]

If being in a relationship makes you unhappy, and you are not willing to work things through or accept whatever is going on, then you should break up. Even if the reason is something bizarre like your partner is a victim of rape, it isn't fair to lead someone on in an unhealthy relationship.

Bingo! Someone with a clue.

[bronzhawk]

Umm... yeah... I am pretty sure if she had things her way she wouldn't have been raped. So why dump some one for something that isn't their fault? So I say I wouldn't dump my gf if I found out she was raped.

[Knifemundo]

I hate humanity.
That I belong to the same race as someone who would seriously consider this question sickens me.

Haha, yea humanity bites don't it. But there are still some good ones left, don't lose all hope!

[Lord Of Reapers]

yea its not like she wanted it so id stay with her

[dream]

I really hope you did not make the mistake which you are describing. She tells you one of her darkest secrets that is extremely hard for her to describe without breaking in tears...She was assaulted, most likely beaten, with no help, she expects you to comfort her..If you broke up with her because of this...God be with you.

[Personal Jesus]

It wouldn't bother me at all, except that if I ever find myself in the same room as the rapist, I'd want to rip his sack off.

[Tehol Beddict]

Well, first of all, I'd like to join with Dani and Moe in deeming you unfit as a human being.

But. Yeah, but.

How many of us honestly can say that we aren't animals in much the same way? I, being not overly attractive, am hypocritically discriminative against ladies who do not fit my aesthetic standards [relationship-wise], which are ridiculously high when you look at it relatively. I am aware of this, yet I do not change it. I've had the oppurtunity to do so with friends who I really liked, but I couldn't get over the fact that I wasn't attracted to them [how I ever plan to end up in a relationship again, I have no idea :/]. I know that this is wrong. In the same way that I won't allow myself to have to experience any sort of discomfort in changing what causes me to think the way I do, he does not want to deal with the emotional and psychological problems of someone who has been raped. Yes, that's terrible, but it's realistic and honest. Most people have no desire to listen and help people who they have no strong tie or obligation to, especially if the problem is that traumatic. I know from experience that it is highly uncomfortable for people to deal with that sort of thing , it brings up too much pain and too many questions in their minds that they shouldn't have o deal with, after all, they weren't the one traumatized. They should help, they should care, but people are lazy and fearful, and don't like being discomforted.

I might have a [semi] unique perspective on his point of view, having been raped myself when I was 7 years old by an older cousin. On multiple occasions :/ When I finally did muster up the courage to tell my mother [because it is so embarrassing to actually say out loud, trust me] my parents did nothing about it. They just forgot abou it and avoided talking about. As a result, I was horrendously psychologically scarred for many years. Emotionally as well, but that involves a cumulative effect that my entire life has had because of what happened there.

I was young when it happened, and I knew it was wrong, at first. Then my parents did nothing about it and I didn't have any foundation to stand that belief on. This caused for a great deal of general confusion about unrelated matters as well because the entire basis of everything I knew began to unravel as I questioned what right and wrong were and why they were and found no answers [and if you are familiar with the apostolic doctrine in which my dad is a preacher/pastor, you'll understand why that in particular was so important and how it caused the eventual breakdown...and by breakdwn I mean beating, between myself an my family, and by family, I mean my dad, though my mother was just as guity for being his spineless lapdog, as I cracked...and by cracked I mean was oft injured and bruised, beneath the weight of the questions I had no answer to].

My mind became severely twisted once I reached outside of the bubble of my parents' church, confused and with no knowledge of the world and no understanding for what was morally and ethically good. The result of this completely ripped my life into shreds, the peices of which I still struggle to hold together today. I could go into lots of detail and explain how almost all of it can be traced back to those roots, but that isn't exactly relevant here.

If someone knew all of the baggage that has resulted from that, they would run just the same as he did from his girlfriend. I know because I scared off the only girl I've ever truly loved by asking her to hold some of my baggage that I was too tired to carry alone. She didn't deserve the weight of it and I feel bad for asking her, and even though her abandoning what I wanted brought back the entire pain of my sad little emo-kid life tenfold and I hurt worse than I ever had before because I had to experience it all again, and at once this time, I still love her more than anything in the world. Though it has scarred beyond salvation as far as hopes for 'more' go on her end. I spooked her, lol. I know what it is like to bear this particular burden, and while I would love nothing more than to be able to share it intimately with someone I loved, I would never wish that they should have to bear it, so I choose to carry it myself now. [save here, where I have relative anonymity, which makes my problems just another post]

I think this is why I have devoted my entire life to this point doing ny best in helping people work though their own problems every chance I get, standing by them as firmly as I can, no matter who they are, what the problem might be, or what it takes. I know what it is to struggle alone and I hate to see others have to experience it when there is another way, and since I know the weight of many burdens, I can help them carry theirs when they cannot do it by themselves. I think I'm obligated to. That and I think it helps to know that if I help, maybe others do, and maybe there is hope. And maybe it helps to take my mind away from my own.

This has all been to say that I don't blame those that run from a burden that isn't theirs, one that no one should have to carry. It's only natural. Before you become a hypocrite and accuse him of being a heartless bastard, honestly consider whether or not you would want to stick out all of the long term reprocussions that something of that nature has and whether or not you wouldn't want to just take the easy way out.

[btw, I said I'd join with dani and moe in calling him a jackass because I've spoken shortly to both of them about a couple of the things I've had to deal with so I know that they are kind and caring people, not the hypocrites I asked you to question yourselves for above. I wasn't calling any of you a hypocrite, merely asking you to make that judgement.]

That's a truth in every relationship [almost]. So many are so easily dismissed because of senseless fights and arguments and neither party attempts to find out and understand why the signifigant other is affected in the way they are, why they react the way they do, what makes them the who they are and how they can help each other get through it. Essentially, dumping them without knowing is even more shallow than what you are all so angry at him for, at least he's honest. Though that wasn't my point with this post, I just thought I'd point it out.




I apologize for the big emo break there, I tend to do that every once in a while here, but I thought it was relevant to the subject at hand.


[edit]

Also, I assume you mean she was raped in the past, else this post has no meaning. If she was raped while you are a couple and you leave her hanging off a ledge like that when you are supposed to be supporting each other you should burn in every hell there is. It's only later and after more attachment that a person is obligated to carry a person's past as well as the present was part of my point in the post, not that to leave them in such a state that was entered into during your relationship was acceptable. Not that it is acceptable in either case, merely understandable in the former.

[less]

So you dumped her too huh?

Yes this actually did happen to me. And yes I did dump her for that reason (never said it was that though).

I don't feel great about it but there was too much emotional baggage that I didn't want to deal with.

I also dumped a girl who had an abortion before. Guess I'm not the greatest guy. Don't worry I'm not particularly proud of what I did but I didn't want to deal with the baggage.

Until they can top this, I'll never call a nf-user an asshole again.

[Nara Twiggie]

wow... I'm sure that took a lot for you to say. Even with the relative anonymity of the forums, that can't be easy. With that said I'd like to return to the original topic. I'm looking at this situation as if it were my current girlfriend, of three years(over one year living together). To be honest I view her as my wife. In our time we've shared more with eachother than with anyone else, and I can say without a doubt regardless of when it happened I'd stay by her and do my best to help her overcome such a horrible scarring thing. In the dead of night I would maime the wretched creture that dared to touch my precious angel in such a manner. Then I would openly weap with her.

[road_rash]

So does anyone else feel that if a BF actually does dump her GF for that reason, that he deserves a punch in the face for being such a complete asshole?


I'm keeping it to only punching the guy right now, cause my idea of what to do to people like that aren't forum friendly.

[Tehol Beddict]

Nah, I'm honest with myself and it is something I've obviously already dealt with so it doesn't bother me to say, especially if it can help people realize some things about the other side of the coin that they hadn't before. I would honestly never blame anyone for runnning out on that situation because I understand what all it entails. It isn't right to run out, but I do understand and I don't think it makes him as horrible as everyone wants to label him. Well, it does, but it's a flaw in human nature, not just him alone, only most people prefer to hide their flaws [of that or any nature] instead of dropping it out there in the open. Of course I'm not sure he's aware that it is a flaw, which is a problem. I didn't want the point of that to be about me though, just wanted to give some insight is all.

[Sabaku no Ira]

So does anyone else feel that if a BF actually does dump her GF for that reason, that he deserves a punch in the face for being such a complete asshole?


I'm keeping it to only punching the guy right now, cause my idea of what to do to people like that aren't forum friendly.

No, he deserve the full ten tortures of the Qing dynastry.

[Chamcham Trigger]

This is just messed up. Why would I want to emotionally hurt someone for reasons that she had no control over (and is mostlikely emotionally hurt from already)? That would just make me heartless and shallow. For me to dump a woman, that wanted to commit herself to me, for her being a victim of this savage world makes me a savage myself. I would never sink so low as to becoming a heartless savage.

If no one understood what I was talking about then I'll just say no I wouldn't dump a girl just because she was raped. In fact I'd probably more openminded to her behavior due to the fact that she may be emotionally scarred.

[aLkeMiSt]

Definitely not... that's too cruel. And if you're in love with the person, that shouldn't be reason to dump her.

[Raistlin-sama]

Why is this even a question?

Who in their right mind would do that (assuming this is at least a half serious relationship)?

[aLkeMiSt]

Who in their right mind would do that (assuming this is at least a half serious relationship)?

You'd be surprised... a raped girl is considered to be disgraceful in many cultures.

[Raistlin-sama]

You'd be surprised... a raped girl is considered to be disgraceful in many cultures.


I know, but it was a rethorical question...:amuse

[Jef88]

you cant do that i know people who had those problems and they didnt brake up because of that.
it should be wrong to dump for such a reason.
i know it will prolly be not so nice to know but still

[Kojiro Ganryu Sasaki]

So does anyone else feel that if a BF actually does dump her GF for that reason, that he deserves a punch in the face for being such a complete asshole?

Definitely.

[senisi]

I wouldn't dump her I'd try to get her to understand that it's ok and that I totally see where she's coming from and that no matter what happens I'd never think any differently of her.

[Hokage-of-my-hood]

No, I wouldn't. Don't dump her. It's not like she wanted to get raped. It's guy that raped her's fault not the girl's fault. Don't break her heart (unless she wanted to dump you, then that's a whole other story, but even so, try to console her) Also if she actually told you this, then it would mean that she has a lot of trust in you to tell you something she probably wouldn't have the courage to tell her parents. It would mean your relationship is really strong, so don't break up with her.

But hey, I'm 12 years old, what do I know.

[voltaicbore03]

In answer to the question of the thread, HELL NO.

If you are seriously considering dumping a girl just because she told you a most painful and intimate secret (that sometimes family members are unaware of), you are probably not going to be the best partner for this particular girl.

That being said, it's not fair to hate on holdem just because it sounds (and is) pig-headed to end a relationship because of the fact that the girl told him she was once raped. Maybe he is intimidated by the stretch he'd have to make in order to be supportive and be a man for a girl like that. If you're not suited for the role and you know it, maybe it is best that you don't stay in the relationship and end up saying something crass or immature about her victimization.

I personally would stick around. Even if I was planning on ending things before I found out about the rape, I would feel a personal responsiblity as a fellow human being to refrain from taking an action that could destroy someone at such a vulnerable point in time.

[Chouzu_Tao]

First of all I wouldn't go out with a girl until we've hung out enough for me to know that she is stable. If I did start dating her, that's enough cause for me not to dump her because I liked her enough to date her. But if we were just hanging out a lot, we'd just stay friends. So the question is sort of double sided for me. I agree with someone before who said they don't want the baggage but that's only if we weren't dating to begin with. Once dating starts to me that usually triggers the "getting know aspects of a relationship." Its weird how some people would agree to go out with a woman who has a child by another man, almost willingly because she decided to go through with the pregnancy but be very offended when a women, against her own will is taken advantage of. Neither of those two scenarios, being explained to me, would really deter me from liking them at all. I would stay with her. Chances are she probably liked you enough to trust you with these feelings, which is a huge step in a relationship. If you're looking for a fun little thing then don't date the person just hang out a lot and flirt around.

[kapsi]

I'd check myself for AIDS HIV, lol.

[Gunners]

nope it doesnt make a diffrence people in my family have been raped. whats happened has happened, if it happened while i was with them i would feel guilty but not split up with them.

[Shinigami-Isshin]

either scenario was douche-y on ur part and u should feel ashamed. you should be a pinnacle of love to her. be nuturing to her, shell love you for it

[-Naru-]

The quistion alone already pisses me off.
What kind of quistion is that?!
I just don't get it.
If the girl brings up the courage to tell you something so personal and painfull and you would dump her because of it, thats just screwed up.
If she would share a secret like that with you it means she trusts you and would you really break her heart all over again because something happened to her that she didnt even want to happen.

[Tehol Beddict]

And so speak all the people that never read my post on the subject. I said something like that for a reason and obviously that reason wasn't my personal edification, it was so that you might consider the reality of it and what you, no we, all are in truth and make your judgement when you know the truth, a 'throw the first stone' scenario if you will.

Sure you all speak nobly, but unless you have the unfortunate experience of a first hand view on the subject, it remains hypothetical, and we're all angels in our minds.

[Ah B]

Well, it would feel awkward around her, but I see no reason to.

[EDhg]

If I was a guy, no I wouldn't.

[ExAzrael]

Personally, i think you're a bit of a dick for leaving her.
However, since you did and for the reason you did, You did not deserve her, and it's better that you two aren't together. She'll find a better man, hopefully.

So Yeah I'm glad you're not with her anymore. Any person who seriously considers leaving someone becuase of something like that should just go ahead and do it. It's your fault the relationship won't work out. And you should feel bad. As you have stated you did.

So there.

[Goongasnootch]

Hell (fucking) no!

I would not dump someone over that. Problems in bed can be worked through so that there can be a normal sex life again. Dumping someone because said person was raped is wrong and cruel even if they don't know that that was the reason. Don't people realize that bullshit rejection like that is what people who have been raped are afraid of? That kind of stuff is why a lot of raped aren't reported and aren't talked about like they should be.

Anyone who dumps someone because the person was raped should fuck off and die.

[Archssor]

"Should you punish someone for being a victim?"

I'll go with no.

Agreed. ;)

[Jack Bauer]

Is it wrong to dump a girlfriend after she told you she had been raped? I mean obviously it'd be sort of wrong to do it right after and to tell her that was the reason why you dumped her.

But what if you did it like 2-3 weeks later and then made up some crap about how you didn't feel like it would work out?

I wouldn't. I would stick to her and make sure it won't happen agian.

[Gunners]

i agree with you double time and i agree with you kendamu that is a reason why a lot of rapes arent brought up. imo if you dump your girl freind because she been raped it shows your personality to be weak there is no need for me to explain.

[AdreneLyne]

Yes.. that's fucking stupid to ask man, no offense or anything but you shouldn't even be asking it. Like, what the hell. Oh boy, she got raped, so you penalize her?

If you did that, I would think of you as a huge tard and a half.

[Larethian]

Thet's a stupid question man, i won't ever do such a thing. It's simply inhuman...

[Black Rose (inactive)]

no :notrust

[Talvius]

Ofcourse not

Im not gonna cause her even more pain cmon and plus if i really love her then her being raped wont matter....exept if she got the AIDS through it then i would think..

[Angel Slayer]

I hate this question, it pisses me off! My girlfriend was raped and I never turned my back on her! It wasn't her fault that she was raped! Oh and I don't stay with my girlfriend just because she was raped and I feel bad for her, I stay with her because I love her so damn much. But when she told me that she was raped, it only strengthen our relationship. I'll admit that I'm no saint and I have done alot of shit that I'm not proud of, but I never turn my back on those who need and care for me.

[Xgamer245]

no i wouldn't dump her....
BUT If she got pregnant by the raper then......no...or yes....damn hard question...

[Mugiwara]

NO! WHY THE FUCK should you do that? Give me ONE good reason to dump her becouse of that! If the GF got raped earlier in her life, then she need love, not her BF to leave her. DAMN i get irritated by thoughts like this!

[Ginnylin]

Man.. i cant believe i got a negative post for my comments in this thread. http://forums.narutofan.com/showthread.php?p=2032396#post2032396... wtf? Aren't we meant to be just expressing our opinions/feelings etc.?
Some ppl...

[Raxell]

If a girl i had interest in had been raped, i would rather she tell me than not tell me. If she tells you, that means shes telling you something very personal and private about her past, and that should be respected. Its a trauma that no girl should have to go through, especially if she was raped for her virginity. Respect that she has been honest and comfort her when the memories of it trouble her, but do not judge her for something she could not control. Just my opinion.

[Peliqua]

What the heck are you, some kind of fascist,Nazi, communist, retard!?

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DD

[Yami no Takeshi]

I am unsure how to answer this one.
I would like to say no, that i wouldn't.
By doing do i ensure that the rapist still has contol over the victim and that would a horrible thing to do.
But could i be strong enough to deal with it?
Maybe i could, i have dealt with being molested as a child and i have dealt with the gulit of me myself nearly molesting someone before i managed to stop myself with disgust. (I was 11)
I have also managed to deal with my best friend being gay and helped her get through the crap she has to suffer because of it.
So yeah, maybe i would strong enough to deal with it.
But i aint sure i could blame anyone for not being strong enough.
*sigh*

[Razgriez]

Is it wrong to dump a girlfriend after she told you she had been raped? I mean obviously it'd be sort of wrong to do it right after and to tell her that was the reason why you dumped her.

But what if you did it like 2-3 weeks later and then made up some crap about how you didn't feel like it would work out?

Its a horrible reason to dump her.

Mine as well dump her for no reason. It will emotionally harm her less.

[MartialHorror]

I've dated someone who was raped before................

Being that we didn't have sex, I can't say if that would have messed things up but she was awesome and I loved her.

If you dump her because of that, then you don't really love her after all.......

[waster]

sure simple rape her again and then dump her just joking

dont hurt her more

[Leen]

No, that will be unfair towards the girl.

It's not like she wants to be rapped by someone else. U should never judge the book by its cover.

[HollowDreamer]

If i knew somebody that dumped a girl cause she was raped i would kick his ass till he was bleeding all over then make his ass go say that hes sorry. I couldnt forgive anyone who did that to a girl just cause she was raped its not like she asked for it you know. You have to care for her and love her even more and try to make her so happy that she'll forget about that horrible memory. Its so sad knowing that girls get raped i would kill all the scum who raped girls they would wish they never lived on the hellish earth.

[google123]

No way. Why should the rapist continue to make her life a misery. If she's nuts because of it, try leaving her for a while until she can get over it a bit more. I gotta go get chocolate...

[Tougoozi]

you gotta realize that this girl took a big step in telling you about the rape. for you to go and dump her will send her already feeble confidence in men down the shitter. i personally think you've been given a once in a lifetime oppurtunity to bring some comfort to a victim whose placed their confidence in you.
on the flip side, i could see how u think that ur in a shitty situation. the truth is that life isn't fair. just make the most of the situation

[narutokun15]

Hell no! That just adds to the pain (of the memory) that the girl is feeling! Hell, I would go 1 step further and try to sexally rehabilitate her! Show her how sex can be a good thing again! That's good on an emotinal level for her, and for us guys as well! smile-big

[Aecen]

Possibly yes. People dont know how badly getting raped screws you up. Many are unable to get into serious relationships after that.

[Kurairu]

It wouldn't change my views of her at all. If I were going out with said girl, then I'd have to think very highly of her to have asked her out in the first place. Plus, if she had been raped, I wouldn't want to add to the given mental harm from the expirience by leaving her D=

[Hef]

Possibly yes. People dont know how badly getting raped screws you up. Many are unable to get into serious relationships after that.
Yeah, and by dumping her just because of that you help a lot.

[Aecen]

Yeah, and by dumping her just because of that you help a lot.

Doesnt mean it will help them. Sometimes people just wont beable to ever have a healthy relationship after being raped. It happens all the time.

[Tsukiyomi]

Doesnt mean it will help them. Sometimes people just wont beable to ever have a healthy relationship after being raped. It happens all the time.

Thats possible, but I find it very likely that a relationship with a caring understanding person would have some benefit, I also think its almost guaranteed that dumping them immediately after they put that much trust in you would most certainly make it much worse.

[basiK]

Doesnt mean it will help them. Sometimes people just wont beable to ever have a healthy relationship after being raped. It happens all the time.
Well then it would be the person who got raped choice if they wanted to continue the relationship.

[ACult]

I went out with a girl that was raped, I stayed with her and it became one of the best relationships i've had. If your worried about not getting any then I truly think your not right for the girl at all and obviously don't have any great feelings for her.

You should advice her to seek help on that matter from professionals, it will sort out her problems on the matter as it worked on my ex, after she had a very healthy relationshipa and sexual life.

[TGC]

I wouldn't, the way I see it, the girl has already gone through enough, so breaking up would definitely be too insincere

[Sorian]

If she was able to tell you that then she has a huge amount of trust and confidence in you. Breaking up with her would destroy her just like the rape did. You have to be there to help her after that.

[Kin]

Even if Im a girl I still wanna answer :noworry

I wouldn't because she doesn't deserve that, and she deserves the right friends around her, and if you would dumb her for that reason you are a low bitching asshole. Then you don't even deserve friends, because you dont accept your friends/gf's with their problems, and only look for 'perfect' friends.

[RockLee]

What the hell does getting raped have to do with anything? It's not her choice, so it says nothing whatsoever about her character.

[shadowtyphoon23]

i would not dump her for that. thats like putting salt on open wounds.

[hatsuka]

In today's society, there's so much disrespect towards women, in our music and TV, etc, and that's really disarming to a girl who already gets lectures from her parents about finding a "nice boy from a good family." That whole concept of "damaged goods" makes me thoroughly sick.

But after reading everyone's answers, especially the men's, seeing how respectful you are of women, it really made me happy, and I just wanted to say thank you for making my day. smile-big

[Eden Prime]

Would you dump a girl if she told you she had been raped before?

This is far more common than one would think. Hell, it happened to me. It's not unusual to be suprised and well, desturbed by it. It's a big shock, and a hard hitter. Some people feel like the girl is then, "contaminated." Some feel like it's too much pressure to help a person who has been through such trauma. I don't think it's the right thing to do to dump the girl, because she didn't ask to get raped. (Well, not so blatantly somtimes) It's just, a lot to think about and deal with and is a bit much for some guys so they break it off in order to get with someone less stressful.

[Gunners]

No i wouldnt dump them, to be honest i would be more likely to stay with them, the fact that she is going out with you suggest a lot about her, most people after rape are likely to be scared or distant from male.

Besides why do it, it would probably devastate her, and i would feel like a mega prick after, there is also the fact that my mum would beat me down.

[Kaeriuchi]

Is it wrong to dump a girlfriend after she told you she had been raped? I mean obviously it'd be sort of wrong to do it right after and to tell her that was the reason why you dumped her.

But what if you did it like 2-3 weeks later and then made up some crap about how you didn't feel like it would work out?
Yes it would be wrong...well that depends what your definition of "wrong is". >_> but imo it would be kinda shallow, no offense...=/
It's already a trauma for the girl, it'd just make it an even worse trauma if you dumped her for a shallow reason as that...the fact that she's been raped should have nothing to do with whether you love her or not. Didn't you love her and want to be with her before you knew about the rape? Well then, just you finding out about the rape shouldn't be a deciding factor as to whether to be with her or not. And if it is...then no offense, but I don't think you could really be in love with her, then, cause that's just thinking of yourself more than of both of you.

[Svenjamin]

Is it wrong to dump a girlfriend after she told you she had been raped?
Yes it is wrong.

1. She cannot be blamed for falling victim to something that was not her fault.
2. If she isn't insecure, it means she has grown and toughened up from the experience, which makes her quite worthy of being a partner. It's hardly 'baggage'.

If it means she wants less sex, then decide what is more important. Are you over the young, sexual peak, drinking, partying phase, or do you want to settle down with someone you love?

A girl being raped hardly makes her a bad girlfriend. Did you know that Oprah Winfrey was molested when she was young? Look where she is today.

[Sir.Cruz]

This should have had a poll to tally the massiveness of people saying that it's wrong. :amuse

It is wrong BTW, unless she uses it as an excuse to everything in her entire existance. Which she probably wouldn't do.

[Spooky_Bunny]

no, no I would not

[mnorth]

First of all, how do you define this rape? There's many kind of rape, according to law and definition by means of common sense. Is it rape: having sex against his/her will; penetration in the rectum; oral sex; or just violently carressing the woman's private parts?

Whatever the reason is, I go no. It's not her fault and if you really love her, doesn't matter if she's raped or not.

[reepa]

of course, fucking whore :mad

LOL!! ROFL!!!!! :laugh :laugh :loool :haha :lmao

omg goddamn that cracked me up!

anyway as an answer to the OP, of course, I would dump dat hoe.

or I wouldnt. theres only 2 options right? yes/no

[Vegeta6163]

You shouldnt hold a persons past against them. especially if it wasnt thier fault. IE rape

[SillyRabbit123]

naa man that sux....
unlss theyre like loony from it...

[King of Sharingan]

i wouldnt dump her i would find the raper (was that right?)and smash his kneecaps then i would drag him down to the police station and tell what he did to my girlfriend

[Copyright]

YES...Get rid of her...
If you have to ask the question then it obviously bothers you. If it bothers you then things are never going to work, so give her the flick now. It's that simple, don't bring ethics into it. If it isn't going to work, don't stay with her just because you feel obligated to or feel sorry for her. It's easier and better for both of you to move on.

[Svenjamin]

YES...Get rid of her...
If you have to ask the question then it obviously bothers you. If it bothers you then things are never going to work, so give her the flick now. It's that simple, don't bring ethics into it. If it isn't going to work, don't stay with her just because you feel obligated to or feel sorry for her. It's easier and better for both of you to move on.
That is the biggest load of crap. Rather than acting on impulse how about he actually resolves the problem? Find out why he feels inclined to break-up and then realise it was a stupid thought to consider in the first place. YES we will bring ethics into this because if you didn't consider the other half... well that's just rude.

[Rockreaper]

If that's the only reason for dumping her then hell no. It's wrong. If there's another reasono then yeah, it's not as bad.

[accord1018]

Being raped means she was sexually assaulted INVOLUNTARILY. I know it's hard to cope with, but if you really care about here that much, you shouldn't let that stop you from being with her.

[Kush P]

No because I am a different man that fool. If you already had a connection with her, why dump her at the times she needs the most support and confidence. Thats exactly how I see it Road_Rash..She will likely to look at her man for that and whatever her man choose to do will likely affect how she sees the world

[Eden Prime]

I could stay with her, but the desire to have sex with her would be nill.

[RockLee]

Jesus, some of these replies surprise me. I guess some people just aren't mentally mature, huh?

Again, I repeat, what the hell does that have to do with anything? It reflects nothing on her character. The only way it would possibly injure the relationship would be if she contacted an STD, and that'd just be another problem to work around.

People who run from a problem, instead of resolving it, suck.

hatsuka, there are nice people out there. They're are just in unexpected places with unexpected faces.

[Eden Prime]

Jesus, some of these replies surprise me. I guess some people just aren't mentally mature, huh?

Again, I repeat, what the hell does that have to do with anything? It reflects nothing on her character. The only way it would possibly injure the relationship would be if she contacted an STD, and that'd just be another problem to work around.

People who run from a problem, instead of resolving it, suck.

hatsuka, there are nice people out there. They're are just in unexpected places with unexpected faces.

Well, i wouldn't be completely comfortable with being with a girl that had been raped. (I have been the boyfriend of a raped girl, btw) And sometimes, it's just too much to think about, and too much trauma. It's just that you have to fill a large gap that rape has opened. An insecurity and mental fragmentation. It's difficult, and sometimes, is easier to get with someone else. When my girlfriend told me she was raped, i no longer desired her sexually, but that doesn't make me immature. Different people are effected by different things, not much of a matter of maturity, although maturity is a factor in some of these posts.

[Sakura]

im a girl so therez no way i could answer that question. but id still like to comment that it really shouldnt change anything. "shez been raped, so?"

[Eden Prime]

im a girl so therez no way i could answer that question. but id still like to comment that it really shouldnt change anything. "shez been raped, so?"

Well, to me, it made me feel as if she was sexually contaminated. A sexlife with her was deminished, however everything else still stood. Still stands. And is still strong. (Love, Emotional Support, Ect.)

[RockLee]

Kirei, I wan't referring to you. You at least tried to back it up.

"I'd dump the ho."

That's the kind of stuff I refer to. -_-'

[Eden Prime]

Well, i believe they are just kidding. But if they aren't then, uh, what the hell, dudes?

[UltraSynaptic SeizureNinja]

To me, a girl telling me that she got raped means that she trusts you enough to further the relationship.

In short, no I wouldn't leave her. That is unless she refuses to undergo a VD or pregnancy test, as to which I pack up my things and leave.

[Envy]

Well lets see, it would have to depend on a few things. 1) How long you've been going out 2) What do you see in teh relationship 3) What do you see in teh future 4) Can you forget about it and live life as it is if you decide to stay together. Mostly it's a mental choice over a moral choice. If they were raped it was against their will. They could always get checked for STD's too soo. That could also be a factor

[Gunners]

YES...Get rid of her...
If you have to ask the question then it obviously bothers you. If it bothers you then things are never going to work, so give her the flick now. It's that simple, don't bring ethics into it. If it isn't going to work, don't stay with her just because you feel obligated to or feel sorry for her. It's easier and better for both of you to move on.
__________

Sicken me.

Imo you would be scum to do something like that, dumping someone because they have been raped shows a lot about you, and insecure human being.

Way i see it, she was able to go out with a man after being raped, so why cant you go out with a female who was raped?

[poona]

Damn...I wouldn't be that heartless, in fact I'd even give her all the comfort she needs to make sure she gets over it. Honestly now, what kind of asshole would dump a girl just because she had been raped?

[Copyright]

A couple of people here seem to think me heartless because of my reply (I'm a nice guy really), but look at it this way...This is mainly aimed at guys (for women reverse the sexes and you'll get it)
Scenario
'We've been going out now for about 2 weeks we are both happy...I tell you I used to be a man...I had the operation X months ago...."
How many of you could deal with that? Truthfully?
Now I know what your all thinking "But it's not the same"
How so is my question
The number of people here say "if you care for her, it shouldn't make a difference" and "It wasn't her fault..."
The parallels...
1. I didn't tell you straight away...I bet she didn't either
2. Its not her fault...Not mine either that I was born the wrong sex

Dating is about finding out if your compatible...If something crops up that one of you can't deal with, be it rape, abuse, sexual performance, clothes, taste in music, whatever... If it's not going to work for one then it isn't going to work at all; Now whats fair, staying with someone because you feel you should even if your hearts not really in it or allowing both of you to get on with your lives and find the right person?
Now ask yourself had the question been:
"Is it right to stay in a relationship with someone I'm not comfortable with,just because I feel I should?" What would everyones answer have been? The circumstances surrounding it should be irrelevant. If you can't deal with someones past then it ain't going to work pure and simple.

For the record. I wouldn't care about it, I could deal with it. If "HoldemRules" has to hold a 'Hire Her' or 'Fire Her' poll then the answer I thought should be simple.

[Heldensheld]

If the girl says,"...and that rapist has a snake-tatoo on his chest."
Then she looks at me and finds a snake-tatoo on my chest.


Dun dun dun!