As the Rain Falls....

[Death Note]

Hello, I am new to the Literature Department of NF and I would like to start out posting some of my work. I used to write many stories and songs, but I stopped for awhile and restarted writing recently.

I hope you all enjoy.



As the Rain Falls....

As the rain falls to the ground
do you know if we should turn around?
because it looks like fate has finally found me
and this life I live
is nothing more
than just a game
because when it comes down to the end
no-one really wins
no-one at all....
but there is one thing you should remember about your life
and that is the good times you have had
and you should hold on to the memories you have
and then....
when the rain falls...
and fate has finally found you,
would you like to turn your life around?

[Lord Yu]

It is a cliche ridden borefest.


Go back to the library.

[Tyrael]

I'm not a fan of the poem either, but that was way too harsh Yu.

[Death Note]

Sorry that you guys didn't like it.

Like I said, I haven't wrote in awhile so it is going to take me awhile to get back good.

Sorry again.

[Dream Brother]

Two of the best qualities a writer can have (in my opinion) are perseverance and being able to take criticism on the chin. Keep that attitude up, because it's a highly underrated but essential part of the field. No need to apologise, though.

And Yu, you obviously have a right to whatever opinion you may hold, but it would be much better if you actually elaborated and explained why it was cliché/how you feel it could be improved. You're an aspiring writer, so you know how valuable feedback can be, especially in comparison to a single line of dismissal.

[Tyrael]

Sorry that you guys didn't like it.

Like I said, I haven't wrote in awhile so it is going to take me awhile to get back good.

Sorry again.


As DB said, keep at it and do your best to shake off naysayers like ourselves.

Personally, myself, I am not a fan of poetry. Very rarely does a piece really capture me. If it does then it needs memorable or powerful images, clever use of language, interesting themes, a good rhythm or anything like that. Unfortunately I could not find anything of that in there, but keep practicing. 'tis, after all, the only way too improve.

[Lord Yu]

Two of the best qualities a writer can have (in my opinion) are perseverance and being able to take criticism on the chin. Keep that attitude up, because it's a highly underrated but essential part of the field. No need to apologise, though.

And Yu, you obviously have a right to whatever opinion you may hold, but it would be much better if you actually elaborated and explained why it was cliché/how you feel it could be improved. You're an aspiring writer, so you know how valuable feedback can be, especially in comparison to a single line of dismissal.

That is why I said go back the library. I'm lazy tonight. I've got massive amounts of homework. Either way. The first test is how well someone can handle one liner dismissal.

[Mattaru]

Well, not really. Not even the harshest editor will throw a piece back in your face like that.
Offer something constructive - it's pretty disheartening to be told to sod off, as much as I laughed :hehee.


Compare your work to those of other famous poets. At this stage, it's pretty easy to spot what you can improve [and there is a lot, I'm sorry to say].

[Lord Yu]

I was talking about internet criticism. I had backache a headache and I needed a noob to eat.:pek


The poem doesn't know how to use it's imagery. Rain, game, fate, the concepts aren't tied together by anything within the text. Learn how to merge concepts. Like the sky is crying for your sad fate after you failed at something you tried really hard at like a relationship or achieving a dream. Like you're sitting out in the rain reflecting on your failure. It's like you took a bunch of concepts from a hat and threw them together with no thought for meaning.


There! Is that constructive?:pek

[Mattaru]

I was talking about internet criticism

Haha, I guess. The internet has an unfortunate habit of being unusually truthful and harsh, that people normally withhold under normal circumstances.

[Death Note]

Thanks for that advice.

Honestly, I have never thought of it that way. That is probably why I am not that good at these types of things, lol.

And after reading it a few times over and over again, I found many flaws myself that I will try to work on.

Again, thanks for the advice. It is going to be very helpful.