Jiraiya-Kun
05-18-2007, 10:01 PM
I posted this on FF.Net and its not going to well, i want some feed back here.
I don’t own Naruto.
Well, here is my first story be nice. Please use constructive criticism.
“Talking”-Talking Normal
“Thinking”-Thinking to oneself
“Talking”-Demon, Jutsu or Summon talking
“Thinking”-Demon or summon thinking
“SHOUTING”-Shouting
Talking-future talking
Pain.
That was what he felt as he stared at the lone figure in front of him.
“Are you ready” she said quietly, as her hand glowed with blue chakra. Slowly he held his hand out in front of him and black chakra devoured his hand.
His voice was hoarse as he let a single word escape. “Yes”. But in his mind he began to wonder, when did it all turn out like this?
He closed his eyes as he tried to remember when this had all began, when his shitty life had gotten…well shittier.
Maybe when he was born and they cursed him, or when they had beaten him an inch of his life at age 4. He looked to the sky and remembered instantly, it had all started when he came back from his first true mission, the place he would never forget.
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“Zabuza, why couldn’t you just run with Haku? Why did Sensei kill you? Are you as we said truly tools?”
“Naruto you baka wake up!” Naruto was quickly woken up by a fist hitting the back of his head.
“Ow! Who the hell hit me!” At those words, the fist came again to his face. Naruto quickly looked around and found his pink haired teammate Sakura staring at him.
“Naruto stop daydreaming, we’re almost home” Naruto looked up and saw the towering gate of Konoha, his…home.
“Hey Sakura-chan when we get there how about we go on a date” He said, putting on one of his best foxy grins.
She stared at him before smirking, “Sasuke-kun and I have plans” Sasuke’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Sakura. “Hn” was his only reply.
Naruto quickly put on one of his smiles and looked at Sakura “How about later then” If you aren’t stalking Sasuke” He thought bitterly.
“I’ll be busy later” she said with a smug smile. “Stalking Sasuke, or getting a restraining order from him” Naruto thought.
He quickly turned to his Sensei “How about you and me train Sensei?”
Said man was quickly pulled away from his erotic book and looked toward Naruto. “Sorry Naruto, I can’t, I have work to do” he said quickly glancing at Sasuke. “Jacking off to that book of yours or training Mr. Stickupmyass.”
Naruto looked to the sky and broke from the group slowly he turned to the city. Just why the fuck was he always so fucked? Why just him? It wasn’t fucking fair. Nothing was for him, not one fucking thing.
Looking again at the sky two words left his mouth.
“Fuck it.”
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As he walked he saw many people partying and drinking. The people seemed to be giving him dirtier looks then ever. Naruto however just ignored it, his apartment was just blocks away.
As he arrived to the door of his home he saw more graffiti than usual. Probably because he was gone so long.
Quickly he pulled out his keys and inserted them into the door.
As he went in, a pair of hands gripped him into a hard headlock. Immediately his fighting instincts took over and he gripped his attackers head hard, and threw him over his shoulder. The form shouted in surprise as it hit the wall.
“Damn it Naruto, that hurt!” Naruto recognized the voice instantly. “Iruka Sensei are you ok?” he said with worry, but quickly his attitude turn to anger “Why did you attack me!”
He stared hard at the scarred man. “Happy thirteenth Birthday Naruto.” Suddenly Iruka wrapped his arms around Naruto and brought out a small tube shaped gift “Didn’t think I would forget your birthday?”
Naruto remained quiet, unknowing how to react. Slowly Naruto gripped the gift. His voice hoarse and anger receding.
Birthday, he had forgotten it was his birthday. The piñatas of him being beaten hadn’t struck him as odd, he was used to it after all they were just celebrating the…sealing of the demon. He looked at the small gift before his eyes opened in wonder. “What is it Iruka Sensei?” The man sighed before smiling “Open it first.”
Slowly his hands ripped through the small objects paper and stared curiously at the scroll that was wrapped in paper. Slowly he broke the seal on the scroll and unrolled the contents.
Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu-A modification of the Shadow Clone Technique, the user throws one shuri…
Naruto quit reading as he leapt on Iruka. “Wow! Awesome, Sweet, Great, Cool!”
Iruka smiled at his glee, Naruto was rarely this excited anymore, and hell there was nothing for him to be excited about.
Iruka looked at Naruto and spoke “Since I know how much you like clones I figure I should give you a clone based jutsu.” Naruto just smirked before several tears fell from his face. “With this jutsu I will be even stronger and kick Sasuke-teme’s ass!” Iruka smiled widely, “Yea, yea, you know, you’ll never kick my ass though!” “Wanna’ bet old man, I bet this jutsu will make me even stronger than you!”
Iruka stuck his tongue out at Naruto “If you learn this jutsu in…uhhh…2 days I’ll give you a new one, that’s even better.” Suddenly Iruka found himself alone in the room as Naruto sped out, to train on his new jutsu.
“Naruto you are going to be a legend”
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Naruto lay in the grass, as he panted from exhaustion. He stared at the stump in front of his face, remembering the humiliation of being tied to it.
He had been out for nearly Eight hours and had felt he had the jutsu down.
The golden boy Sasuke would not out show him. He made a blood vow to get stronger and if this jutsu would make him stronger, then so be it. Kakashi would regret not training him.
He slowly got up to throw the shuriken once more and concentrated chakra into his hands before throwing his shuriken. Quickly he released the star and shouted
“Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu” Suddenly thirty shuriken appeared and impaled the stump in front of him. Naruto smiled widely in glee before passing out on the grass.
His dream was another jutsu closer.
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Iruka watched from the sidelines the whole time, amazed at the speed it took to learn an A-ranked jutsu.
He watch quietly as Naruto passed out. Once he was sure that Naruto was sleeping, he walked over.
Iruka bent over and brushed Naruto’s hair out of his eyes , and kissed him on the forehead (A/N: this isn’t yaoi). Naruto was so much like him and would be a better person than him. Quickly he opened Naruto’s hand and pressed a second scroll into his hand and smiled. “Happy Birthday Naruto, you wouldn’t believe how hard it was to get this jutsu for you.
He looked at the sky and marveled at the fireworks, this was another gift he deserved.
Iruka turned and walked back to his apartment, glad that for once he was able to give Naruto the birthday he always wanted.
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If I had known what I got myself into, maybe if I just let Sasuke be better than me, or if I hadn’t gotten so
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“Ahhhh” Naruto groaned as he rose from the ground. He looked around a relized he had just slept outside. Morning dew was still fresh on the ground.
He quickly raised his left hand to scratch his head until he found another scroll inside of it.
His eyes widened in realization of just what the scroll was. Opening it quickly he read the contents:
Clone Great Explosion-This jutsu works in combination with the Shadow Clone Technique to create a shadow clone that will explode on command. The blast created is considerable, and could potentially kill an attacker engaged in hand-to-hand combat.
He shouted in triumph as he realized he won the bet. “Oh yea! Another one to rub in Sasuke-teme’s face” He brought his fingers to his face and held them in a familiar cross symbol.
“Kage Bunshin no Jutsu” Suddenly three clones surrounded him, each plastering a smirk.
“Alright, the objective of you guys is to blow yourselves up, can you do that?” Real Naruto stated.
All three clones stared at him, and he stared back. “What do I have something on my face?” Quickly one of the clones retaliated “Blow ourselves the fuck up!?! Are you brain-dead, why don’t you do it, so then we can see how to?”
Naruto stared at them trying to figure out how to make them cooperate. Suddenly he had an idea. “Do you guys want Sasuke-teme to beat us!”
That struck a nerve in all the clones as they stared at the real Naruto. They all put their hand in the ram position and concentrated. Several moments passed before Naruto yawned.
“Are you guys gonna’ do it or wha-”
BOOM!
Naruto was flung back smashing through several trees by the enormous explosion. Trees and debris flung past him.
He stared at the utter destruction as he flew through the air until he hit one tree on the head, knocking him out.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I don’t own Naruto.
Well, here is my first story be nice. Please use constructive criticism.
“Talking”-Talking Normal
“Thinking”-Thinking to oneself
“Talking”-Demon, Jutsu or Summon talking
“Thinking”-Demon or summon thinking
“SHOUTING”-Shouting
Talking-future talking
Pain.
That was what he felt as he stared at the lone figure in front of him.
“Are you ready” she said quietly, as her hand glowed with blue chakra. Slowly he held his hand out in front of him and black chakra devoured his hand.
His voice was hoarse as he let a single word escape. “Yes”. But in his mind he began to wonder, when did it all turn out like this?
He closed his eyes as he tried to remember when this had all began, when his shitty life had gotten…well shittier.
Maybe when he was born and they cursed him, or when they had beaten him an inch of his life at age 4. He looked to the sky and remembered instantly, it had all started when he came back from his first true mission, the place he would never forget.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Zabuza, why couldn’t you just run with Haku? Why did Sensei kill you? Are you as we said truly tools?”
“Naruto you baka wake up!” Naruto was quickly woken up by a fist hitting the back of his head.
“Ow! Who the hell hit me!” At those words, the fist came again to his face. Naruto quickly looked around and found his pink haired teammate Sakura staring at him.
“Naruto stop daydreaming, we’re almost home” Naruto looked up and saw the towering gate of Konoha, his…home.
“Hey Sakura-chan when we get there how about we go on a date” He said, putting on one of his best foxy grins.
She stared at him before smirking, “Sasuke-kun and I have plans” Sasuke’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Sakura. “Hn” was his only reply.
Naruto quickly put on one of his smiles and looked at Sakura “How about later then” If you aren’t stalking Sasuke” He thought bitterly.
“I’ll be busy later” she said with a smug smile. “Stalking Sasuke, or getting a restraining order from him” Naruto thought.
He quickly turned to his Sensei “How about you and me train Sensei?”
Said man was quickly pulled away from his erotic book and looked toward Naruto. “Sorry Naruto, I can’t, I have work to do” he said quickly glancing at Sasuke. “Jacking off to that book of yours or training Mr. Stickupmyass.”
Naruto looked to the sky and broke from the group slowly he turned to the city. Just why the fuck was he always so fucked? Why just him? It wasn’t fucking fair. Nothing was for him, not one fucking thing.
Looking again at the sky two words left his mouth.
“Fuck it.”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
As he walked he saw many people partying and drinking. The people seemed to be giving him dirtier looks then ever. Naruto however just ignored it, his apartment was just blocks away.
As he arrived to the door of his home he saw more graffiti than usual. Probably because he was gone so long.
Quickly he pulled out his keys and inserted them into the door.
As he went in, a pair of hands gripped him into a hard headlock. Immediately his fighting instincts took over and he gripped his attackers head hard, and threw him over his shoulder. The form shouted in surprise as it hit the wall.
“Damn it Naruto, that hurt!” Naruto recognized the voice instantly. “Iruka Sensei are you ok?” he said with worry, but quickly his attitude turn to anger “Why did you attack me!”
He stared hard at the scarred man. “Happy thirteenth Birthday Naruto.” Suddenly Iruka wrapped his arms around Naruto and brought out a small tube shaped gift “Didn’t think I would forget your birthday?”
Naruto remained quiet, unknowing how to react. Slowly Naruto gripped the gift. His voice hoarse and anger receding.
Birthday, he had forgotten it was his birthday. The piñatas of him being beaten hadn’t struck him as odd, he was used to it after all they were just celebrating the…sealing of the demon. He looked at the small gift before his eyes opened in wonder. “What is it Iruka Sensei?” The man sighed before smiling “Open it first.”
Slowly his hands ripped through the small objects paper and stared curiously at the scroll that was wrapped in paper. Slowly he broke the seal on the scroll and unrolled the contents.
Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu-A modification of the Shadow Clone Technique, the user throws one shuri…
Naruto quit reading as he leapt on Iruka. “Wow! Awesome, Sweet, Great, Cool!”
Iruka smiled at his glee, Naruto was rarely this excited anymore, and hell there was nothing for him to be excited about.
Iruka looked at Naruto and spoke “Since I know how much you like clones I figure I should give you a clone based jutsu.” Naruto just smirked before several tears fell from his face. “With this jutsu I will be even stronger and kick Sasuke-teme’s ass!” Iruka smiled widely, “Yea, yea, you know, you’ll never kick my ass though!” “Wanna’ bet old man, I bet this jutsu will make me even stronger than you!”
Iruka stuck his tongue out at Naruto “If you learn this jutsu in…uhhh…2 days I’ll give you a new one, that’s even better.” Suddenly Iruka found himself alone in the room as Naruto sped out, to train on his new jutsu.
“Naruto you are going to be a legend”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Naruto lay in the grass, as he panted from exhaustion. He stared at the stump in front of his face, remembering the humiliation of being tied to it.
He had been out for nearly Eight hours and had felt he had the jutsu down.
The golden boy Sasuke would not out show him. He made a blood vow to get stronger and if this jutsu would make him stronger, then so be it. Kakashi would regret not training him.
He slowly got up to throw the shuriken once more and concentrated chakra into his hands before throwing his shuriken. Quickly he released the star and shouted
“Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu” Suddenly thirty shuriken appeared and impaled the stump in front of him. Naruto smiled widely in glee before passing out on the grass.
His dream was another jutsu closer.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Iruka watched from the sidelines the whole time, amazed at the speed it took to learn an A-ranked jutsu.
He watch quietly as Naruto passed out. Once he was sure that Naruto was sleeping, he walked over.
Iruka bent over and brushed Naruto’s hair out of his eyes , and kissed him on the forehead (A/N: this isn’t yaoi). Naruto was so much like him and would be a better person than him. Quickly he opened Naruto’s hand and pressed a second scroll into his hand and smiled. “Happy Birthday Naruto, you wouldn’t believe how hard it was to get this jutsu for you.
He looked at the sky and marveled at the fireworks, this was another gift he deserved.
Iruka turned and walked back to his apartment, glad that for once he was able to give Naruto the birthday he always wanted.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
If I had known what I got myself into, maybe if I just let Sasuke be better than me, or if I hadn’t gotten so
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Ahhhh” Naruto groaned as he rose from the ground. He looked around a relized he had just slept outside. Morning dew was still fresh on the ground.
He quickly raised his left hand to scratch his head until he found another scroll inside of it.
His eyes widened in realization of just what the scroll was. Opening it quickly he read the contents:
Clone Great Explosion-This jutsu works in combination with the Shadow Clone Technique to create a shadow clone that will explode on command. The blast created is considerable, and could potentially kill an attacker engaged in hand-to-hand combat.
He shouted in triumph as he realized he won the bet. “Oh yea! Another one to rub in Sasuke-teme’s face” He brought his fingers to his face and held them in a familiar cross symbol.
“Kage Bunshin no Jutsu” Suddenly three clones surrounded him, each plastering a smirk.
“Alright, the objective of you guys is to blow yourselves up, can you do that?” Real Naruto stated.
All three clones stared at him, and he stared back. “What do I have something on my face?” Quickly one of the clones retaliated “Blow ourselves the fuck up!?! Are you brain-dead, why don’t you do it, so then we can see how to?”
Naruto stared at them trying to figure out how to make them cooperate. Suddenly he had an idea. “Do you guys want Sasuke-teme to beat us!”
That struck a nerve in all the clones as they stared at the real Naruto. They all put their hand in the ram position and concentrated. Several moments passed before Naruto yawned.
“Are you guys gonna’ do it or wha-”
BOOM!
Naruto was flung back smashing through several trees by the enormous explosion. Trees and debris flung past him.
He stared at the utter destruction as he flew through the air until he hit one tree on the head, knocking him out.
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