Suzaku of Hidden Flame
05-11-2007, 02:19 AM
I'm currently working on an epic novel and wanted to get some opinions on the characters and the plot.
PLOT:
Suzaku is a demon who leaves Hell and choses to live a life on Earth in ancient Eqypt. While he is on Earth, he falls in love with an Eqyptian woman (and vice versa). She becomes pregnant with his son. News of this is sent to his family who resides in Hell. Not wanting to bare the shame of their first born son having a human for a lover and a half-breed son, they have her killed while Suzaku was away hunting. He returns to find her raped and murdered, his son torn from his love's womb. He claims vengence and returns to hell to slay his family line. Suzaku kills his father, mother and his sister. Unknown to Suzaku, his brother, Kanon, survives being impaled on a spear through his chest. Suzaku returns to Earth to live a lonely life on his love's world and begins to travel, gaining friends and a possible new love interest. Meanwhile, Kanon waits to seek his own revenge.
CHARACTERS:
Suzaku-
The main character (of course!), a fire demon who chose a life on Earth. He is mostly serious character but has his funny moments. I chose a full blood because I'm not much of a fan of half-demon characters (except Dante Sparda). I consider full-bloods to be better.
Darius-
A Dark Elf trained in the ninja arts. He can control and manipulate shadows and darkness. If it's expensive or rare, he'll steal it. If your girlfriend is hot, he'll steal her too! He is a wity and humorus character and serves as the comedy relief.
Alexia-
A hybrid between a human and a dragon that Suzaku and Darius found in a giant egg. She first appears as a baby and rapidly grows to maturity in 2 weeks. She grows attached to Suzaku despite his mean attitude. Though she has good intentions, her dragon side causes her to have sudden beast-like outbursts and a very large appetite.
I decided to include an excerpt from this story to add a little extra something to this post.
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Suzaku laid in his bed, the covers covering only his lower body. It's was 2 a.m. and the room was still in the darkness. He breathed in the cool night air. He found a cool breeze from time to time to be refreshing, even to a fire demon. A baby's crib stood at the foot of his bed. It's true shape was unknown in the night. Darius had found the crib on the curb in Queens and had brought it in for the "hybrid" as Suzaku called her. He wondered if he could be a good parent. His first child went missing from her mother's womb so many years ago.
Suzaku: (whispering) Now...is not the time for doubt.
The child had been a big hit on his wallet. She looked only a month old and she had already drank a whole gallon of milk...right from the jug! Suzaku feared her later years but a smirk escaped his lips. He might have to get a real job to support her. His thoughts were interupted by the baby. She began to cry in her crib, Suzaku rising to silence the child.
Suzaku: Ssshh! I need to rest. Hell, you need to rest after the day you had.
The baby soon grew quiet. Suzaku returned to his previous position and closed his eyes. Something began to move in the room. Suzaku remained still, waiting for the right moment to strike against the intruder. He felt a hard tug on his hair. He sat up quickly and ignited a flame in his hand as a torch. A little girl no older than 7 years old stood by the bed holding a clumb of Suzaku's long, dark red, hair. She had larger forearms and lower legs covered in scales, small wing protrude from her back along with a tail. Her blue eyes reflected in the light of the torch.
Alexia: Hi, I'm Alexia! Do you have any food? I'm Hungry."
Suzaku sat there dumbfounded. Silence took the room and Alexia waited for his response. He remained stunned and only could mumble.
Suzaku: What the Hell...
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Like it? Dislike it? Tell me please.
PLOT:
Suzaku is a demon who leaves Hell and choses to live a life on Earth in ancient Eqypt. While he is on Earth, he falls in love with an Eqyptian woman (and vice versa). She becomes pregnant with his son. News of this is sent to his family who resides in Hell. Not wanting to bare the shame of their first born son having a human for a lover and a half-breed son, they have her killed while Suzaku was away hunting. He returns to find her raped and murdered, his son torn from his love's womb. He claims vengence and returns to hell to slay his family line. Suzaku kills his father, mother and his sister. Unknown to Suzaku, his brother, Kanon, survives being impaled on a spear through his chest. Suzaku returns to Earth to live a lonely life on his love's world and begins to travel, gaining friends and a possible new love interest. Meanwhile, Kanon waits to seek his own revenge.
CHARACTERS:
Suzaku-
The main character (of course!), a fire demon who chose a life on Earth. He is mostly serious character but has his funny moments. I chose a full blood because I'm not much of a fan of half-demon characters (except Dante Sparda). I consider full-bloods to be better.
Darius-
A Dark Elf trained in the ninja arts. He can control and manipulate shadows and darkness. If it's expensive or rare, he'll steal it. If your girlfriend is hot, he'll steal her too! He is a wity and humorus character and serves as the comedy relief.
Alexia-
A hybrid between a human and a dragon that Suzaku and Darius found in a giant egg. She first appears as a baby and rapidly grows to maturity in 2 weeks. She grows attached to Suzaku despite his mean attitude. Though she has good intentions, her dragon side causes her to have sudden beast-like outbursts and a very large appetite.
I decided to include an excerpt from this story to add a little extra something to this post.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Suzaku laid in his bed, the covers covering only his lower body. It's was 2 a.m. and the room was still in the darkness. He breathed in the cool night air. He found a cool breeze from time to time to be refreshing, even to a fire demon. A baby's crib stood at the foot of his bed. It's true shape was unknown in the night. Darius had found the crib on the curb in Queens and had brought it in for the "hybrid" as Suzaku called her. He wondered if he could be a good parent. His first child went missing from her mother's womb so many years ago.
Suzaku: (whispering) Now...is not the time for doubt.
The child had been a big hit on his wallet. She looked only a month old and she had already drank a whole gallon of milk...right from the jug! Suzaku feared her later years but a smirk escaped his lips. He might have to get a real job to support her. His thoughts were interupted by the baby. She began to cry in her crib, Suzaku rising to silence the child.
Suzaku: Ssshh! I need to rest. Hell, you need to rest after the day you had.
The baby soon grew quiet. Suzaku returned to his previous position and closed his eyes. Something began to move in the room. Suzaku remained still, waiting for the right moment to strike against the intruder. He felt a hard tug on his hair. He sat up quickly and ignited a flame in his hand as a torch. A little girl no older than 7 years old stood by the bed holding a clumb of Suzaku's long, dark red, hair. She had larger forearms and lower legs covered in scales, small wing protrude from her back along with a tail. Her blue eyes reflected in the light of the torch.
Alexia: Hi, I'm Alexia! Do you have any food? I'm Hungry."
Suzaku sat there dumbfounded. Silence took the room and Alexia waited for his response. He remained stunned and only could mumble.
Suzaku: What the Hell...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like it? Dislike it? Tell me please.