Shogun
07-09-2006, 02:21 PM
The television show called: what choo talkin’ ‘bout, fool.
The following story is about the endeavour that a humble television production company had in producing what could have been the greatest T.V show ever made.
Talking Monkey Pictures was a relatively new company in the game and had just finished its first programme. It was a reality show concerning a bunch of homeless people who had to fight each other in order to win a house, the ratings were relatively good mostly thanks to the controversy which arose when one of the contestants was brutally raped on set. But now the production company wanted to make something which would be remembered as a classic series and be involved in something which didn’t involve law suits. So in order to do this the executives got thinking, they looked at what their favourite shows were when they were growing up. The execs were quite young and after a little while it became apparent that they loved two shows far more than any other: the A team and Different Strokes. A crossover was inevitable and a brain storming session was planned in order to figure out how they can harness the brilliance of both shows and how they would get to star in it.
The brain storming session took place in their La Jolla offices and featured not only the staff of Talking Monkey Pictures but also the original writers for The A Team and for some reason the producer of When Skirts Fall Down. Looking at possible scenarios there was one which stuck out like a saw thumb and that was a show about two gay hit men. It would be perfect with Mr T starring as the tough yet lovable killer and Gary Coleman as the comedy sidekick. They knew if they could get the pair billions of dollars of revenue could be in the offing.
So the next stage of the project went into motion, tracking down the two actors and trying to get them on board. It wouldn’t be easy so the studio decided to hire a professional head hunter to get the job done. They wanted someone with an intimate knowledge of the faded stars and someone who was persuasive enough and determined enough to get the job done no matter what it took. There was only one man for the job, Adam “the” Third.
The Third had a straight forward task: bring those actors to the studio no matter what. His game plan was to start with Mr T because he was harder to find and harder to persuade, simply because unlike Gary Coleman he couldn’t be kicked in the crotch and stuffed into a bag.
The word on the street is that Mr T was now a farmer in Texas and by farmer and by farmer they meant whore salesman. This meant some under cover work was in order. As soon as the Third touched down in Houston he tried to get into contact with the local pimps. This was startlingly easy, mostly because he wore a T shirt which read: I Want A Whore. A few bribes later the trail was pointed to a little town called Eden.
Eden was a small place and all of the citizens were under Mr T’s spell, his pity field radiated from miles around so pin pointing the ‘fro hawked one still wasn’t going to be easy. The only resources that he had at his disposal were the hoboes which survived the taping of that reality show. Somehow they would need to be used to coax Mr T from his lair. The Third had only one idea, which was to dress the bums as a crack commando unit and have them run amuck in the town. Unfortunately for the Third those hoboes took things a little two far and more than one townsman got it in the ass, but the plan worked as Mr T appeared from a shimmering haze. After Mr T dispatched the hoboes and finished picking the remains from his teeth the Third approached him and explained to T who he was and the details of the programme. After much deliberation Mr T agreed to be the star of the show, he refused a plane ticked to LA and instead decided to moon walk there. The Third wasn’t about to complain about that, but his next task was Gary Coleman.
Gary Coleman was working as a security guard at the Beverly Hills Mall and that meant finding him was going to be an easy task. He worked the night shift in order to keep him out of the public eye and also meant that he didn’t actually have to apprehend shoplifters. The Third went into the car park and found Coleman doing his rounds. As with Mr T, the Third explained who he was and what the details of the show are. However, unlike Mr T he wasn’t so interested in the project, sighting his comfortable life without the pressures of stardom. But as planned earlier the Third promptly kicked him in the crotch and stuffed him into a black plastic bag. The Third administered a few pot shots whilst the delightful midget was in the bag but he figured that wouldn’t make much of a difference.
Now the cast had been assembled and the script for the pilot had been written there were only a few things left to do before filming began. One of those things was getting the stars to actually sign the contract. As this was a homosexual show and the creators wanted to push the envelope gay sex scenes were going to take place and as Mr T was the bigger it would be him doing the screwing so he signed on the dotted line without a fuss. Coleman on the other hand was less inclined to sign but after what could only be described as an assault by teamsters and other staff members he reluctantly signed. The beating Coleman took was filmed and was to be used as a DVD extra once season one came out.
Now onto the filming, the first episode was to involve the two hit men taking out a businessman who refused to pay protection money to the Russian mafia. The hit would be done by Gary Coleman being skewered on Mr T’s penis and for Mr T to ejaculate and send Coleman flying into said businessman. However before they could get onto the big money scene they had to film the first meeting between the Russians and the dynamic duo. As the show was called, “What choo talkin’ ‘bout, fool” the catchphrase needed to be used at least once per episode. The what you talking about part would be uttered by Coleman with Mr T saying the last part, that way both were involved and ensured that both would have equal coverage. However, little did the producers know that phrase would cause dire consequences…
The shooting of the pilot was going very smoothly and on schedule with all of the jokes hitting there mark, but the big time came to see just how well the catchphrase worked. When it was uttered it became quite apparent that it worked a little too well. It sounded so funny that half the crew died from laughter and many others were hospitalised caused by their laughter. The show couldn’t continue for public safety concerns.
And so the endeavour of so many people to bring potentially the funniest show man had ever seen had gone to waste. In the end Talking Monkey Pictures were too visionary for their own good. They eventually shut down due law suits filed by Gary Coleman.
Mr T went back to Eden and is still selling whores, they cost $10 per lb.
Gary Coleman became a stripper and earned more than one million cents.
The Third went on to save the world.
The End.
The following story is about the endeavour that a humble television production company had in producing what could have been the greatest T.V show ever made.
Talking Monkey Pictures was a relatively new company in the game and had just finished its first programme. It was a reality show concerning a bunch of homeless people who had to fight each other in order to win a house, the ratings were relatively good mostly thanks to the controversy which arose when one of the contestants was brutally raped on set. But now the production company wanted to make something which would be remembered as a classic series and be involved in something which didn’t involve law suits. So in order to do this the executives got thinking, they looked at what their favourite shows were when they were growing up. The execs were quite young and after a little while it became apparent that they loved two shows far more than any other: the A team and Different Strokes. A crossover was inevitable and a brain storming session was planned in order to figure out how they can harness the brilliance of both shows and how they would get to star in it.
The brain storming session took place in their La Jolla offices and featured not only the staff of Talking Monkey Pictures but also the original writers for The A Team and for some reason the producer of When Skirts Fall Down. Looking at possible scenarios there was one which stuck out like a saw thumb and that was a show about two gay hit men. It would be perfect with Mr T starring as the tough yet lovable killer and Gary Coleman as the comedy sidekick. They knew if they could get the pair billions of dollars of revenue could be in the offing.
So the next stage of the project went into motion, tracking down the two actors and trying to get them on board. It wouldn’t be easy so the studio decided to hire a professional head hunter to get the job done. They wanted someone with an intimate knowledge of the faded stars and someone who was persuasive enough and determined enough to get the job done no matter what it took. There was only one man for the job, Adam “the” Third.
The Third had a straight forward task: bring those actors to the studio no matter what. His game plan was to start with Mr T because he was harder to find and harder to persuade, simply because unlike Gary Coleman he couldn’t be kicked in the crotch and stuffed into a bag.
The word on the street is that Mr T was now a farmer in Texas and by farmer and by farmer they meant whore salesman. This meant some under cover work was in order. As soon as the Third touched down in Houston he tried to get into contact with the local pimps. This was startlingly easy, mostly because he wore a T shirt which read: I Want A Whore. A few bribes later the trail was pointed to a little town called Eden.
Eden was a small place and all of the citizens were under Mr T’s spell, his pity field radiated from miles around so pin pointing the ‘fro hawked one still wasn’t going to be easy. The only resources that he had at his disposal were the hoboes which survived the taping of that reality show. Somehow they would need to be used to coax Mr T from his lair. The Third had only one idea, which was to dress the bums as a crack commando unit and have them run amuck in the town. Unfortunately for the Third those hoboes took things a little two far and more than one townsman got it in the ass, but the plan worked as Mr T appeared from a shimmering haze. After Mr T dispatched the hoboes and finished picking the remains from his teeth the Third approached him and explained to T who he was and the details of the programme. After much deliberation Mr T agreed to be the star of the show, he refused a plane ticked to LA and instead decided to moon walk there. The Third wasn’t about to complain about that, but his next task was Gary Coleman.
Gary Coleman was working as a security guard at the Beverly Hills Mall and that meant finding him was going to be an easy task. He worked the night shift in order to keep him out of the public eye and also meant that he didn’t actually have to apprehend shoplifters. The Third went into the car park and found Coleman doing his rounds. As with Mr T, the Third explained who he was and what the details of the show are. However, unlike Mr T he wasn’t so interested in the project, sighting his comfortable life without the pressures of stardom. But as planned earlier the Third promptly kicked him in the crotch and stuffed him into a black plastic bag. The Third administered a few pot shots whilst the delightful midget was in the bag but he figured that wouldn’t make much of a difference.
Now the cast had been assembled and the script for the pilot had been written there were only a few things left to do before filming began. One of those things was getting the stars to actually sign the contract. As this was a homosexual show and the creators wanted to push the envelope gay sex scenes were going to take place and as Mr T was the bigger it would be him doing the screwing so he signed on the dotted line without a fuss. Coleman on the other hand was less inclined to sign but after what could only be described as an assault by teamsters and other staff members he reluctantly signed. The beating Coleman took was filmed and was to be used as a DVD extra once season one came out.
Now onto the filming, the first episode was to involve the two hit men taking out a businessman who refused to pay protection money to the Russian mafia. The hit would be done by Gary Coleman being skewered on Mr T’s penis and for Mr T to ejaculate and send Coleman flying into said businessman. However before they could get onto the big money scene they had to film the first meeting between the Russians and the dynamic duo. As the show was called, “What choo talkin’ ‘bout, fool” the catchphrase needed to be used at least once per episode. The what you talking about part would be uttered by Coleman with Mr T saying the last part, that way both were involved and ensured that both would have equal coverage. However, little did the producers know that phrase would cause dire consequences…
The shooting of the pilot was going very smoothly and on schedule with all of the jokes hitting there mark, but the big time came to see just how well the catchphrase worked. When it was uttered it became quite apparent that it worked a little too well. It sounded so funny that half the crew died from laughter and many others were hospitalised caused by their laughter. The show couldn’t continue for public safety concerns.
And so the endeavour of so many people to bring potentially the funniest show man had ever seen had gone to waste. In the end Talking Monkey Pictures were too visionary for their own good. They eventually shut down due law suits filed by Gary Coleman.
Mr T went back to Eden and is still selling whores, they cost $10 per lb.
Gary Coleman became a stripper and earned more than one million cents.
The Third went on to save the world.
The End.