Jesus vs Godzilla: A Fight Steven Colbert Said He Would Pay To See...

[EXhack]

Has someone posted this already? If not I want to hear scenarios and battle tactics.

Oh, and Jesus has the powers we attribute to him, and not the powers of a social reformer, or Aslan.

[Endless Mike]

He could turn all of Godzilla's blood into wine, but that would probably just make him drunk and even angrier.

But since they can both come back after dying, the fight would probably go on forever.

[Azure-kun]

okay. . .Jesus Pray's to god and then a divine light shrinkz Godzilla. . .ta-da?

[CrazyMoronX]

Jesus calls down 10,000 angels, who promptly wipe the floor with Godzilla! :yell


Then Godzilla regenerates... It's a fight that can't really end, unless God himself steps in, and turns Godzilla into a puppy. Then again, Jesus could curse Godzilla, and make him wither and die, much like he did to that one tree.

I give the fight to Jesus.

[Azure-kun]

now you see, this fight would kick much more ass if Professor Juggernaut was in it. . .

[EXhack]

Ahh... but Godzilla could lay millions of eggs and overpower Jesus with his kin.

[Powdered Toast Man]

Godzilla > Geezus(snicker)...why?
Jesus wouldn't wanna fight him. He'd give Godzilla the peace sign then get stomped out...and after such a pitiful display God wouldn't let Jesus rise from the dead again....
I don't mean to offend anyone...I myself am a catholic

[EXhack]

No offense taken. Ah... but Jesus could punish Godzilla but alchemising him into FUNK.

[Lucidious]

yea, godzilla is cool, but jesus has long hair and wandered the desert for many years. Jesus' Devine Mane FTW. XD

[Envy]

Jesus's Theme Song > Godzilla

[Powdered Toast Man]

How dare you!!!??? YOU HEATHENS!!! HOW DARE YOU SIDE WITH JESUS OVER THE GODLY GREENESS OF GODZILLA...PEACE AND LOVE vs GREEN SCALY RATH WHO TANGLES WITH THE LIKES OF RODAN AND METAL GODZILLA...who has Jesus had a go with the Devil Oooooh scary.
Anyone can own the devil....that is no great feat. *pant* *pant*

[Renegade]

Jesus walks on water, turns a cup of water into wine, and godzilla dies of amazement. :P

[escamoh]

Godzilla wins this.

[Lucidious]

How dare you!!!??? YOU HEATHENS!!! HOW DARE YOU SIDE WITH JESUS OVER THE GODLY GREENESS OF GODZILLA...PEACE AND LOVE vs GREEN SCALY RATH WHO TANGLES WITH THE LIKES OF RODAN AND METAL GODZILLA...who has Jesus had a go with the Devil Oooooh scary.
Anyone can own the devil....that is no great feat. *pant* *pant*

amen. church dismissed.

j/k, Jesus' Devine Mane still wins

[GTOnizukadude]

Godzilla eats Jesus, then spits him back out on the condition he get free fish, bread, and wine for the rest of his life. Which is forever.

Godzilla wins.

[chaoserver]

Don't believe in Jesus,but based off the powers he supposedley had he'd still get pwned.

[The Space Cowboy]

Anyone who thinks Jesus would lose this one has obviously been reading too much fanfiction.

And I saw the Third Seal break, and the Son of Man did lay down a hefty helping of whoopa. And the choirs of angels did cringe, singing out "My Lord, that's gotta hurt!"

And Michael and his angels did cheer, and cry out: "Use the chair, use the chair"

And the Devil and his angels did curse and gnash their teeth, for they had bet heavily on Godzilla.

And the chair was used. And the Godzilla was Godsmacked.

[MartialHorror]

lol, on a Christian perspective, Jesus.

If he was just a normal dude.....do I need to even answer that?

[Powdered Toast Man]

You Jesus lovers just wait till I find the Gospel of Zilla...oh how you'll rue the day you ever feigned to realize his Scaly green grace...Jesus but a mere man stands no chance against this God who has terrorizzed Japan for years.

Godzilla by no means would allow this "Son of Man" to amass a front against him, he would be smacked down into obscurity with the swiftest of swats,....neither heaven nor hell hath fury like Godzilla's.

Jesus...pfft...mine Green God laughs at your pitiful attemps to gain status in this cruelest of worlds.

[The Space Cowboy]

Sadly for Godzilla fans, the Gospel of Zilla was never written. However there was a Godilla Sutra written around 1324 BC. Many mistranslations and errors in punctuation since then have snowballed and corrupted the original Godzilla Sutras into the Kama Sutra of today.

Therefore Godzilla is not really a big, green scaly monster that stomps Tokyo, but rather an embodiement of the nascent quasi-sexual relationship mankind has had with the earth.

[Azure-kun]

Godzilla dies realising that Hippies with white robes are bad for his health.

[Powdered Toast Man]

Kick Kickero's post in a foamy rage....get those facts outta here. Who really follows facts anymore. My outlandish, fanboyish, baseless argument owns...and there is a Godzilla Gospel...it was written by Charles Darwin himself, where do you think he came up with Survival of the fittest. huh?

He saw Godzilla owning every animal out there and said "Damn that's one fit Lizard"

facts...Yeah those matter anymore.
*pants*

[uncle jafuncle]

lol, on a Christian perspective, Jesus.

If he was just a normal dude.....do I need to even answer that?

Well, we assume the most powerful form of everyone else in the OBD...why not Jesus?

Here's some stats/feats of Jesus's strongest incarnation, post-resurrection Jesus.

-7777 ft tall, giving Godzilla no advantage in size.

-Grand-Master and founder of the Jesus-Fu Martial Arts style. Jesus defeated Lady Shiva, Batman, Bruce Lee, Karate Kid, and Star Wars Kid...blind-folded.

-Sonic Hypno-blasts. Hearing Jesus speak is enough to destroy most living things...in Godzilla's case it would probably only knock him out however.

-Wizardry and Clericism. It is common knowledge that Jesus is a level-8 billion Mage/Cleric who specializes in Necromancy, Alteration, Evocation, Divinination, Conjuration, and Illusionary magic. He has demonstrated these powers numerous times by doing such things as walking on water, turning water to wine, feeding thousands with only a few loaves of bread and some fish, healing the numerous ailments of numerous people, and of course, that time he chain lightning'd the four horsemen of the apocalypse after the seals broke too soon. Essentially, Jesus has the ability to manipulate reality however he likes just as a cosmic can. He could turn Godzilla into a tarp if he wanted to...or simply will him to another plane of existence.

-Psionics. Jesus is controlling us all right now with his mind. srsly.

-Auto-Res. Every 3 days Jesus will rise from the dead. You can never truly stop him, only delay the inevitable.


Yeah, Jesus kinda takes this one.